date with a zombie
by Douglas Messerli
Michael Simon (screenwriter and director) Gay
Zombie / 2007 [20 minutes]
Other than the luscious piece of female flesh
dressed up to the hilt in glittery gowns, a beautiful blood-sucking vampire,
and the lone, moonstruck, and constantly coming-out werewolf, the vision of the
starved, flesh-eating come-back-to-life zombie is among the perfect drag images
of the lives us sexually craved denizens of the dark—gay men—as we are
generally conjured up in the crazed minds of heteronormative men and women.
Since we are all monsters, they need only take their pick.
The
nice thing about the zombie is that he is immediately recognizable by his
rotting flesh and his steady ambling walk, often with hands out as if in search
for something even he doesn’t know he wants.
Poor Miles (Brad Bilanin) is just such a beast, and is trying
desperately to bring himself back into normality, meeting up with his
psychiatrist and reporting his progress. He’s certainly cut down his intake of human
bodies, but, no, he hasn’t yet even attempted to go out and meet his own kind
at a gar bar; he’s terrified, obviously of the consequences.
And, in fact, that man with his back to you seems the perfect type, Greg
coaxes his reluctant friend. Give it a try!
Greg returns to his conversation with another man at the bar, while Todd
turns to face the challenge, who when he turns toward him is not quite the type
of man he expected, the half-decayed face of Miles staring back at him. But
then Todd, if nothing else, is polite, and the two, confused about their mutual
interests, strike up a conversation. You know, like “What’s it like being a
zombie?” “How does it feel to be dead?” Just general small talk.
Miles explains that he was killed on Valentine’s Day, a sad statement
with which Todd can easily commiserate. By the time Greg turns back to see
what’s happening and to confront the monster with whom Todd has struck up a
friendship, it’s far too late to say “we have to be going,” as everyone else in
this West Hollywood bar shouts out as they run to the nearest exit.
Being nice gay boys, Greg and Todd take Miles back home with them,
scarring the shit out their sissie housemate, Dwayne (Craig Olsen). But even
he, eventually gets used to their new friend, particularly when they decide
what Miles really needs is, why of course, a makeover! It’s great fun to see
such a thin guy, a perfect model, slip in and out of every kind of outfit they
can find in their closets that might fit him. Dwaye even applies make-up to his
horrific face—although I can’t say that it makes much difference.
A
group yoga workout doesn’t go as well, particularly after some of the other
members of the group, like Scorpio (Andrew Miller) complain. When Scorpio
stalks out and returns as a “pretend” zombie, he’s gone, however, just a bit too
far. And the first chance he gets, Miles drags him into a
The
boys are ready to give the somewhat penitent Miles a good talking to before he
can return home with them. And Todd is even ready to kiss and make up. But
fortunately, Miles’ therapist shows up and puts a bullet through Miles’ head,
turning him into dust. She reports, in a totally friendly manner, that if
they’d tried to remain friends much longer it would have ended rather badly.
But then, as Todd observes when he spots a bit of decay on her arm, perhaps she
is a zombie in-the-making herself.
This silly satire is absolutely without any true cinematic value; but it
certainly does provide a few deservéd giggles.
Los Angeles, April 24, 2023
Reprinted from World Cinema Review (April
2023).
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