Bruce Leddy | Wizard of Oz (Alternative Ending) / 2004 [Mad TV]

a judy garland nightmare

by Douglas Messerli

 

Lauren Dombrowski, Sultan Pepper, and Dick Blasucci (screenplay), Bruce Leddy (director) Wizard of Oz (Alternative Ending) / 2004  [4.13 minutes] [Mad TV]

 

Poor Dorothy, the Wizard has just flown off on his balloon, and Dorothy (Nicole Parker) has been left high and dry without a way to return home to Kansas in Episode 22 of the ninth year of this comedy series. The Cowardly Lion encourages her to stay with them, but Glinda (Stephnie Weir) the good witch suddenly shows up in her pink-colored bubble to answer the poor Midwestern girl’s problems.

    Glinda tells her that, of course, she’s always had the power to return home to Kansas, the fact of which Dorothy is obviously a little bit confused and perhaps even upset about. Even the Scarecrow wonders why she had never told her before, to which Glinda replies, “She wouldn’t have believed me,” and Dorothy responds, “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

     Dorothy argues that even if Glinda had told her to lick the “Lollipop Guild,” she would have done it, but now she’s rightfully pissed off, the Lion reminding her that she then would not have met them.

    But Dorothy is adamant that as a teenage girl, skipping down the road with the three of them, she might have been far better off without their help during which she always felt she needed to keep her hand between her legs. But the Tin Man insists she didn’t have to have been afraid of him, to which she responds, “Believe me I picked up on that right away, Tinsel Toes.”

     We have now moved into a quite alternative but perhaps appropriate different version of the famous and beloved story.

     So how do I get home, you witch? “Just click your heels,” Glinda assures her.

     But Dorothy is now about an inch away from punching her reluctant savior, “Baby Talk,” in the face. When the Tin Man protests, Dorothy describes him as a homo, particularly after being told all she needed to say was “There’s no place like home.” Or, as Glinda explains, there were many other ways she might have hurried back home: she could have clapped her hands or winked your eyelids, or sneezed—the list goes on. Dorothy is furious at “the psycho crazy bitch,” on the attack, choking her secret savior to death.

     Dorothy pulls away the lovely Glinda’s wand and goes for her throat, as The Tin Man, madly clicking his heels and repeating the magic charm “There’s no place like home,” wakes up in bed with his Hispanic metal lover, admitting that he has had the most insane “Judy Garland dream.” His lover realizes he needs a little TLC, pouring a jigger of oil down below where suddenly he blows off steam from the top of his head, with a “Whoop-de-do!” and pleasurable return to love and protection.

     Now that I recognize it was not the Cowardly Lion nor even the dancing Scarecrow, but the Tin Man seeking his heart who was the gay boy in this saga, I am finally content to describe The Wizard of Oz as a certifiably gay movie.

 

Los Angeles, January 3, 2025

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (January 2025).