Wednesday, July 16, 2025

Anthony Schatteman | Stories That We Could Have Told / 2013

one day, baby, we’ll be old

by Douglas Messerli

 

Anthony Schatteman (screenplay and director) Stories That We Could Have Told / 2013 [6 minutes]

 

Throughout the teens and into the 2020’s Belgium/Flemish director Anthony Schatteman has produced more than a half dozen shorts, all which have covered fascinating aspects of gay erotic life, from a young gay boy overwhelmed by a singer father who refuses to even hear about his son’s sexuality (Kiss Me Softly, 2012), a young gay prostitute (Petit ami, 2017), a young man in love with his male teacher (Follow Me, 2015), a  drag queen who is caring for his son after his wife has left him (Hello, Stranger, 2016), and men both secretly in love with one another (When I See You, 2010). In almost every case, the gay individual has been pushed out of a normative social situation, but come through, nonetheless, with his own solutions that have made him stronger. Vulnerability has not stopped these young men’s attempts to discover and realize their sexuality.


     One might describe his early work, Stories That We Could Have Told, as being a kind of video for a far wilder variation of the song sung famously by the Everly Brothers, Jimmy Buffet, and Tom Petty. But this is not the same song, and its lyrics by Asaf Avidan & The Mojos (“One Day / “Reckoning Song”) describe a kind of desperate longing for the stories that, in fact, cannot be told because they never were fully realized.* The last stanza reads:

 

"… One day, baby, we'll be old

Oh, baby, we'll be old

Think of all the stories that we could have told

One day, baby, we'll be old

Oh, baby, we'll be old

And think of all the stories that we could have told"


      Working with two boys (Freek De Craecker and Maxim Debar) who had never previously acted and filmed without a script, the action was defined by the mutual ad-libbing of the director and the boys once the camera was focused on them for a 24-hour period.

      This short cinema tells a story that we’ve encountered many times of two friends, both of who seem to grown up perceiving themselves as straight buddies. From their earliest days of pushing, shoving, showing-off, and clowning for each other, there seems to have been a break in their relationship that, when they hook up again, they perceive was a friendship deeper than they had imagined. One of them now seems to be seeing a girl they both knew when they were kids.

      Yet, now as young adults of 17 or 18, they experiment, after one of them suggests “You want to do something crazy?”


     That craziness seems to involve making love, which they begin, at first, with just arms lain across the other’s back, but when they move into a swimming pool they begin kissing intensely. Whether or not their “lovemaking” goes any further, is never revealed, but it is clear that at some point it ended as the other returned to his more “normative” life leaving one of the figures in deep regret and loneliness, despairing over the loss of those “stories” he might have told others or shared with his former friend. Clearly, the two will not grow old together, and telling of their love late will mean little then to themselves and others. The singer of the original song (Avidan) truly wails of the loss of the stories they could have told based on a deep love that was cut short by unknowable events.

      The ending of this short is clearly the opposite of the standard ending: “And they lived happily ever after,” and we fear that the stories that might have told will sadly be left to the imagination (and perhaps frustration) of the one of them who chose to return to a heterosexual life.

 

*The video version of that song I watched showed what appeared to be a bi-sexual trio, two men and a woman, mostly dancing in their apartment and at a disco. The two men can be seen kissing at several moments.

 

Los Angeles, July 16, 2025

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (July 2025).

Dome Karukoski | Tom of Finland / 2017

 the cure

by Douglas Messerli

 

Aleksi Bardy (screenplay, based on a story by Bardy and Dome Karukoski, with additional storylines and dialogue by Noam Andrews, Kauko Röyhkä, Mia Ylönen, and Mark Alton Brown), Dome Karukoski (director) Tom of Finland / 2017

 

I feel I have to begin this essay by expressing my surprise in what this film reveals about the figure at its center, the gay porn artist—all three words, I would argue, being equally appropriate, his work being art, gay, and most often representing pornography without any of the negative evaluations that others might attach to any of those words—Tom of Finland, better known in his homeland as Touko Laaksonen.


     I have made clear my disinterest in the leather scene and S&M sexual activities several times in my queer cinema essays. But I have to admit I have always enjoyed Tom of Finland’s art—although admittedly shyly and on the sly. Yet there is something so outrageous about the size and shape of his male beauties’ statures, pectorals, bubble butts, and cocks that their rowdy sexual activities become almost lovingly comic, along with their smiling, often lustful, and never resisting faces. His men, dressed in leather or other macho uniforms or simply naked seem to be having so much fun that any homosexual who enjoys contact of whatever kind with another male simply has to appreciate their orgiastic natures. Every one of his drawings is an expression of the opposite of what so many people think of gay men, having so often been represented by heterosexuals as weak sissies, terrified of world outside of their private bodily domains. Kake and his kind gays are macho men who conjure up equally virile beings to suck, fuck in the ass, and speechlessly gawk at. There’s nothing better to get a gay man’s libido flowing by seeing a facially well-chiseled hairy chested man with a gigantic cock up his butt, or to put it another a way, by observing a bulbously erect penis about to be placed into a pair of perfectly rounded hairy buttocks.


     Critic Glenn Kenny writing on the Roger Ebert site describes Tom of Finland’s art somewhat differently, but nonetheless appropriately:

 

“How to describe the art of Touko Valio Laaksonen, aka Tom of Finland? Shall I compare thee to a Village People wet dream? No, that’s not quite it. His depictions of gay masculinity, to my eye, are kind of a gender inversion of the iconography of, say, a female bombshell like Jayne Mansfield. The men who sprang from the imagination of Tom of Finland are perfectly chiseled, bubble-butted, well-endowed boys who can’t help it. Their emotional range runs the gamut from friendly (there are some big smiles) to intimidating (there are more impassive-to-frownlike expressions, often camouflaged by thick mustaches). Heterosexual males had their Vargas pinups and other varieties of cheesecake. Tom of Finland drew their gay equivalents, but in a way that tended more toward the surreal/irrational, at least to my eye. A part of the effect had to do with the fact that so much of his artwork was done in black-and-white, pencil drawings of such exquisite and varied shading that one could marvel at the peculiar, painstaking craft as much as one might drool over the impossible physiques.”

 

     I don’t know what I expected the man behind these images to be like, but certainly it was not the fairly gentle, somewhat war shell-shocked, homebound illustrator living with his plain-looking sister in a society so homophobic that at one point in the film even our generally straight-faced hero jokes that he’d have better luck selling his art in the Vatican than in Helsinki.


     The Touko (Pekka Strang) that this film presents us with is not even necessarily involved in the motorcycle culture or S&M—the film in fact does not enter the terrain of his private sexual activities, although we might certainly recognize his fetishes by the pictures he draws—but  establishes a longstanding relationship with a handsome, somewhat petite dancer Veli (Lauri Tilkanen) whom he has met up with once for sex in the park, but which his sister Kaija (Jessica Grabowsky), having developed what she perceives as a romantic relationship with the young man, brings into their large home—a rare-commodity in post-war Finland—as a boarder.

      But before going in further I should perhaps take a few moments to establish why our hero is having nightmares and can’t sleep due to images of his wartime memories. It is somewhat strange that all the promotional material on this film simply describes Touko’s service as being in the World War II military, but in fact he is a lieutenant in the war Finland fought just before and again during World War II with Russia, sometimes described as the Finno-Soviet Wars or more specifically, in Finland, as the Winter War (1939-1940) before the full outbreak of World War II, and The Continuation War (1941-1944).

     Even Helsinki Film describes Touko on IMDb as “serving his country in World War II.” It’s clear they don’t want to remind us of the fact that while the Allies, the United States, United Kingdom (including the British Commonwealth), the Soviet Union, and China stood together against the Axis forces of Nazi Germany, Fascist Italy, and the Empire of Japan, the Finns were fighting the Russians, one of the American-British allies.

     The Winter War began with the Soviet invasion of Finland on November 30, 1939, before the official US involvement in World War II in 1941. Outdone by the Soviet military strength with tanks and aircraft, Finland lost, but nonetheless the four months ended with many Soviet losses and, early in the struggle, seemed to be going Finland’s way. Seeing the early Finnish successes as a sign that the Soviet troupes were weak helped Hitler to believe that he could attack Russia with success.

      At the Winter War’s end, Finland was forced to cede substantial territories despite the fact that The League of Nations had deemed the attack illegal and had expelled the Soviet Union as a member.

      With the general declaration of World War II in 1941, Finland resumed the war, fighting this time with the military support, economic aid, and military assistance by Germany, an alliance Finland justified for self-defense, while they battles were mostly concentrated on regaining their lost territories, most of which they had regained by September of that year. But by 1944, when the tide turned against Germany, Finland had again lost most of those territories. Hostilities between Finland and the Soviet Union on September 5, 1944 with the signing of the Moscow Armistice, which also meant the expulsion and disarming of any German troops still in Finnish territory, which in turn led to the Lapland War between Finland and Germany. Only with the signing of the Paris Peace Treaties in 1947 did Finland’s involvement in the war finally end. It’s estimated that there were more than 63,000 Finnish casualties with the addition of 158,000 wounded during the wars, with 23,000 German deaths and 60,400 wounded. Soviet deaths range from 250,000 to 305,000, with 575 estimated to have been wounded or fallen sick.

      The war in short represented a strange episode in Finnish history that tainted their democratic principles and put a blot on the everyday landscape of Finnish life that led to the semi-nationalistic mood and dour attitudes in the Helsinki landscape regarding sexual expression that we see through all of the early episodes of Tom of Finland. It also explains why we witness in the early episodes of the film Touko stabbing and killing a Soviet paratrooper and his later regret for that act, as he turns over the body to see a young man who will a few years later be recognized as one of Finland’s allies.

      The guilt of the Finnish populace is almost palpable throughout the film, and their inability to quickly recover the way the rest of Europe was attempting to is apparent. It also gives context to Touko’s voyage to Germany in an attempt to sell his drawings in what had become a more open society—despite the taunts of a German prison guard when Touko is arrested for homosexual activities and refusal to pay a hotel bill, “During the war we knew what to do with your kind.” One imagines postwar 1950s Germany and Denmark to be a more open society than it is presented in this film, but through Touko’s Finnish viewpoint, and the fact that he has just been robbed of his “illegal” drawings by a gallerist who decades later Tom of Finland discovers had issued them as cheap pornographic books colors Touko’s lower continental visits.

      If nothing else this film makes clear that the sexually open-minded Europe that I and others encountered during the early 1960s was not the same Europe of the 1950s (a fact to which Stefan Haupt’s Swiss-based film The Circle of 2014 also attests). Touko is almost trapped in Germany as even the Finnish embassy spokesman is ready to reject the artist’s claim to be a Finnish citizen, leaving him to the still brutal German prison system because he admittedly is “interested in pheasants,” apparently a code word of entering gay bars in Berlin. Only when he calls for the interceding of a Finnish military officer with whom Touko had regularly had sex during the war who happens to be stationed in Berlin is the artist finally released and able to return to his homeland.

      There, despite the joys and his relationship with Veli, he must now cope with his own sister’s intense homophobia, meaning that he has to hide all of his artwork behind panels in the attic. Although he and Veli might now attend wild sexual gatherings at the mansion of his wartime officer friend, Touko’s lover—who by now has encouraged Tom of Finland to begin printing and selling his images abroad—dreams of decorating their house with yellow curtains which are kept open during sex, and possibly even opening up the entire house to the same kind of parties that the  officer is hosting. Touko reminds him that “yellow” is a sissy color and that Finland will perhaps never tolerate such open mindedness regarding queers. As if to reiterate his observations, a party at the officer’s mansion is raided by the police, most of the participants escaping through a nearby balcony, with the officer himself being arrested and sent to a clinic determined to help “cure” him.


    When Touko visits him, hoping to convince him to escape the institutional imprisonment, the officer insists he wants to be cured so that he will lose nothing more than he already has lost, his job, hoping to still continue a relationship with his life. Clearly, Finland is still a world in which guilt rules, whether or not the person accused has anything to feel guilty about or not.

     Several critics have complained that the film is slow going and somewhat impenetrable up until this point, its sudden shift of gears in the last third of the movie being unjustifiable. I’d argue that, in fact, just under the surface the film up to this point has been quite dramatic, but that director Dome Karukoski’s graceful subtleties of text have simply flowed below the more loudly-pitched radar of US viewers. Unlike an US film of this sort, which probably would have treated the subject more as a documentary, Karukoski does not shove forward token characters in order to elucidate the events that are happening just below the surface. For those who know nothing about Finnish history or unable to glean what has happened to make Tom/Touko the strange combination of outrageous sensualist and quiet and even slightly paranoid everyday man that he is. How is someone so out of touch with a truly communal gay experience able to imagine worlds in which so many openly gay men express their love of all things masculine through various uniforms, methods and transportation, and trips to various paradises where sex of any kind is openly permitted? How is such a dour man living in such a repressed world, in other words, able to create such bacchanalian urban and wilderness fantasies? In order to survive, obviously, he has no other choice. In a sense, drawing such images was Tom of Finland’s “cure.”

      Meanwhile things are mostly improving. Money through sales of photographs he has taken and bound of his artwork are selling throughout the world and he has just been invited to the US for a tour of Los Angeles, New York, and other cities. Veli has a cough of which he can’t seem to rid himself, but perhaps the California air will help. When Veli stays behind, we worry a little about the possibility of AIDS, while recognizing that in the mid-1960s the disease had yet to surface, let alone make its way to Finland.


     The vision Karukoski presents through Tom of Finland’s eyes of the hippy-like paradise of mid of late-60s Los Angeles, is as outsized and outrageous as the artist’s drawings. Everywhere men in tight shorts hold hands, kiss in public, and seem ready at any moment to let the sunshine tan body parts that usually are hidden away from the sun’s rays. Invited by the successful entrepreneur Doug (Seumas Sargent) who has grown up from a skinny gym rat into a happily “coupled” gay publisher mostly due to the influence and later sale of Tom of Finland’s art, Tom discovers a sybaritic paradise where when the police show it’s not to raid the place but to politely inform the celebrants that a criminal is loose in the neighborhood so they should be on alert. One of the policemen looks so much like a Tom of Finland cop, that Touko asks to take a picture of him, for which the office proudly poses as if ready to be transformed into another male fantasy creation.

      What Touko Laaksonen hadn’t realized back in Helsinki is just how much of a gay cultural icon he has become in the USA and by this time in the rest of Europe, where seemingly every gay man, drag queen, and even straight women have seen and used his art to help better stimulate their lives. The film that until this point has been a sad commentary on Finnish sexual provinciality now suddenly becomes a kind of wild sexual fantasy that grandly overstates Tom of Finland’s influence on gay culture and turns the gentle artist into a cultural hero for the entire LGBTQ community.


      Having been there, it’s a hard tale to swallow, despite its cheerful embracement of a myth that is not unpleasant to believe, as if pornographic cartoons were at the heart of gay liberation. But, like Tom of Finland’s art, its such a friendly, likeable movie by this point that it’s hard to just walk of the theater or turn off the DVD. You want to toast it’s silly meme and sing along at film’s end with Sylvester’s disco prayer “Take Me to Heaven.”

       Fortunately, the film briefly takes Tom and the film’s viewers back to earth before sending us to heaven as Touko returns home to find his boyfriend ill with tracheal cancer. Even though he buys him those “sissy” yellow curtains it ends sadly with Veli’s death, just as his coming out to his sister with a private gallery showing in own his house of his artwork ends badly with her dismissal of his work as embarrassing and disgraceful porno scribbles. A call from the US helps to heap upon the poor man’s back another mountain of guilt when he’s told that people are dying throughout the world with the new AIDS virus and conservatives are pointing to his art as the cause. I guess time has passed.

       Were it only that simple, to believe that a few books of drawings of over-endowed joyful gay men “caused” AIDS and brought on a series of denials and inactions that buried hundreds of others. In fact, every LGBTQ figure in some way or another had to carry that underserved hatred with them, often to their graves.      

     By this time, however, our hero is tired of being blamed for everything, and recognizes that, if nothing else, in a time when gay men are being treated as outcasts and being asked to give up the very sexual actions which define their existence that what we need is not less of such graphic sexual pornography but more, as he works to create a new collected anthology. When completed, Tom, Doug, and friends search out a press to print it throughout the entire city of Los Angeles, from A to Z, before they find the Jewish printer of sacred texts Zagat (Manfred Böll) who astoundingly agrees he’d do with a little bit of help—which dozens of Tom of Finland’s followers immediately sign up to provide.


     We’re ready now, Mr. Karukoski, for a room full of shouting leather-wearing faggots to applaud the artist who provided them their wardrobe and enough fantasies to play out for the rest of their lives. Put on Sylvester and cheer along with those of us who can’t get enough of Tom.

 

Los Angeles, November 24, 2021

Reprinted from World Cinema (November 2021).   

 

 

 

Chris Shepherd | Yours Faithfully, Edna Welthorpe, Mrs / 2017

goading piety

by Douglas Messerli

 

Chris Shepherd (writer, based on letters written by Joe Orton), Chris Shepherd (director) Yours Faithfully, Edna Welthorpe, Mrs / 2017 [5 minutes]

 

On the occasion of the 50th anniversary of the tragic death of playwright Joe Orton (1933-1967), University of Leicester professor Emma Parker and filmmaker Chris Shepherd joined together for a project to honor the legendary gay figure.


     Early in Orton’s relationship with Kenneth Halliwell (his lover who later murdered him), they joined together for many amusing pranks and hoaxes, including surreptitiously removing books from public libraries and modifying the cover art or the blurbs before returning them. For example, they returned a volume of the poems of John Betjeman with a new dust jacket featuring a photo of a nearly naked, heavily tattooed, middle-aged man.

     Discovered and prosecuted they were found guilty for having damaged more than 70 books, they were sentenced to prison for six months in May 1962. They believed they received such a harsh sentence “because we were queers.”

     The prison experience, however, helped to free Orton creatively. As he put it: “"It affected my attitude towards society. Before I had been vaguely conscious of something rotten somewhere, prison crystallised this. The old whore society really lifted up her skirts and the stench was pretty foul.... Being in the nick brought detachment to my writing. I wasn't involved any more. And suddenly it worked." Today, the Islington Local History Centre has several of the books’ covers, proudly displaying them in their collection.


      Also, much in a British tradition continued today by gay comedian Joe Lycett, Orton created a persona, Edna Welthorpe (Mrs), often portrayed as an elderly theater snob who wrote letters of outrage to the newspapers about Orton’s plays, helping to promote them. Named as an allusion to Terence Rattigan’s archetypal playgoer, Aunt Edna, Mrs. Welthorpe also wrote various letters to traditional and more adventuresome businesses, two of the satiric epistles appearing at the center of Shepherd’s animated film based on their content.

     The first of these letters written to Smedley Jams praises one of their products while damning another, mocking its contents and wondering what certain of its listed ingredients might actually be. The company writes an extremely apologetic letter, distressed for her viewpoints, returning her money and promising to look further in to the matter.

      The second, however, addressed to the Littlewood home catalogue service is far more comic.

     Edna Welthorpe writes the Littlewood company about a catalogue Orton must surely have requested containing pictures and ordering information about numerous gay, mostly S&M accoutrements from leather uniforms, jockstraps, and other paraphernalia including various vibrators and other sex toys. She claims that she not only did not order the catalogue but might be embarrassed by taking such a catalogue to her weekly card games with friends, etc. without one ever referring to the catalogue’s contents or images.


       This time a telephone call follows suggesting that the company acted in good faith, having received such a request, and will go out of their way to prosecute anyone who may have involved in requesting the catalogue be shipped to her address.

        Shepherd’s quickly shifting animations, reminding one of the cartoons of the 1960s, influenced by pop art, moves from the frames of line production of the terrible pie filling about which she complains to a number of the imaginary and real S&M costumes the catalogue might have contained, along with hilariously appropriate images of policemen and handcuffs, which function very nicely, of course, with the S&M world, just such figures the Littlewood company suggests as a way of resolving the crime of someone having misled them to deliver said catalogue to Edna Welthorpe (Mrs).

     In some respects, Shepherd’s short film is akin to the works of filmmaker Maria Losier, who also uses the work of others to repurpose her own cinematic vision such as The Passion of Joan of Arc (2002) (wherein she uses Dreyer’s filmed scenes in order to shift the narrative of Joan portrayed as transgender hero into a presentation of her as a heterosexual girl who as seen God naked, Losier herself performing the role of Joan) and in her Bird, Bath and Beyond (2003) wherein she employs gay filmmaker Mike Kuchar as a kind of comic emcee. Here, Shepherd’s uses Orton’s satiric epistles in order to create his animated images, not all of which are hinted at in Edna Welthorpe's letters.

     The film was screened and the letters were read at the Latitude Festival and at a special event at The Little Theatre, Leicester, on August 9, 2017.

 

Los Angeles, November 18, 2022

Reprinted from World Cinema Review (November 2022).

Jordan Firstman | Men Don't Whisper / 2017

no sale

by Douglas Messerli

 

Jordan Firstman and Charles Rogers (screenplay), Jordan Firstman (director) Men Don't Whisper / 2017 [21 minutes]

 

An obnoxious motivational speaker at a sales conference for Nutritious Products makes it clear to her mostly female audience of salespeople that men constitute the highest sales bracket because they know what they want: to go for it, and they get it. To prove her point, she asks a couple of men in the group, Reese (Charles Rogers) and Peyton (Jordan Firstman) what do they want. Surprisingly both dither and stutter, disproving her theory until she asks another male salesperson  who immediately claims he wants a high number of sales this quarter. Bam! He proves it. Women have to stand up for what they want, she declares, and before long women are doing precisely that, standing to declare they want 700 even 800 sales and want to travel. One wants a divorce, another wants to take someone’s breath away, and a third wants to have another baby. Soon she has them all shouting, “Sell like men!”



     Reese and Peyton are a gay couple and realize the they’ve just been proven to be weaklings and pussies, not even able to join in the “sell like men” mania. Realizing they have to find something to make them more masculine, at least to the ladies in the room, they decide they have to do something that at least one of them has never before done, and the other (Reese) hasn’t done since high school: fuck a woman.


     Heading down to the hotel bar they watch what they perceive of as a truly effeminate man (Brendan Scannell) busy making up his face with a powder puff and pocket mirror. They seem to have no difficulty at all in picking up two girls, Beth (Bridey Elliott) and Dominique (Clare McNulty). But when they take them back to their bedroom things get more difficult.

      Dominique goes right to it on Reese, but Beth is slower as she and Peyton focus on kissing. With the excuse that he has to pee, Reese runs to the bathroom Peyton behind him as the two madly confer in whispers as Reese admits that he’s not at sure he wants to do it, while Peyton tries to calm him down. The girls meanwhile get naked, although Beth also has second thoughts. Both boys admit it’s truly weird, but return for the second round.

      “Boys, pants off,” shouts Dominique as the two begin to express their worries about not having condoms. Beth turns away from Peyton, while Dominique gets atop Reese to ride him like a cowboy. Because of her sunburn, Beth suggests that Peyton not kiss her shoulders or stomach, that perhaps he just “eat her out,” an even more unimaginable activity for the previously insistent Peyton.


      Peyton demands another bathroom break with Reese. Peyton insists “It’s like a hallway with a lot of doors,” and argues he simply cannot do it, this time Reese attempting to reassure him. Reese now feels he can do it, given Clare’s aggressive manner, but Peyton is at a loss.

      Beth observes that she’s never seen to men go into a bathroom and whisper before. Meanwhile in the bathroom, the strong independent men begin to jack each other off. With full erection and a good luck kiss on the lips they’re back for round 3.

      But in this round they’re totally knocked out, or at least they both keep slipping out, Even Reese realizes that he totally does not need to do this. Dominique asks, “What’s going on?” and Beth nails it: “They’re gay. They’re both gay, Dom. It’s obvious.” The two admit that they’re gay boyfriends. “We just wanted to test our masculinity and this just felt like it made the most sense.”


      Dominque puts it succinctly: “But fucking a girl doesn’t make you a man. You’re just like the straight ass-holes picking up chicks except you’re worse because you didn’t even want to fuck us!” The women decide to report them to human resources. It’s clear that they will probably lose their jobs.

      Even worse, in a stairwell the effeminate man that one of them earlier referred to as a faggot is busy fucking Dr. Joscelyn Verdoon (Cheri Oteri), the motivational speaker who started them down this rueful trail.


      If this short film echoes throughout with the sounds of a TV series episode it is surely because after his first short film, Call Your Father (2016) and this movie, Firstman continued on mostly with directing, writing, and acting for and in TV, namely Gay of Thrones, Search Party, Miracle Workers, and Ms. Marvel.

 

Los Angeles, October 10, 2023

Reprinted from World Cinema Review (October 2023).

George Bamber | Kept Boy / 2017

the travails of a toy boy

by Douglas Messerli

 

David Ozanich (screenplay, based on a novel by Robert Rodi), George Bamber (director) Kept Boy / 2017

 

There probably comes a time in any “kept boy’s” life when he wonders just how much longer his beauty and personality might delight the man who pays his bills. At least, that’s the proposition behind George Bamber’s 2017 film Kept Boy in which the still handsome, but not quite as beautiful as he obviously once was Dennis Racine (Jon Paul Phillips)—still in love with his partner, the wealthy interior designer Farleigh Knick (Thrue Riefenstein)—wakes up one morning not only to find Farleigh has hired a new pool boy, Jasper (Greg Audino), but tells him that if their relationship is going to continue, Dennis needs to find a job.


     What’s a good-looking boy who dropped out of Bard the moment he met Farleigh to do without any degree—a requirement in this fantasy view of Los Angeles to even get a job as a dogsitter. He consults his best friends, Lonnie (John-Michael Carlton) living with a wealthy older woman and Paulette (Toni Romano) who is the mistress of a married retiring politician, but they have no suggestions, although he provides Paulette with some sage advice about what to tell her aging daddy.

      Dennis imagines that he might get a job as a travel agent, not a very good possibility given that those jobs have been primarily replaced by computers. He even tries to borrow money from their chef Javi (Diosiq Burné), only to discover that he was once Farleigh’s boyfriend, given the job of chef as a consolation prize when Farleigh met Dennis.

      Javi suggests that he show some interest in Farleigh, watch a taping of his designer reality show that, if nothing else, he might ask, once in a while, about his lover’s well-being. In fact, the major problem throughout this somewhat empty-headed but pretty-bodied soap opera is that no one seems to bother to talk to one another. The idea that Dennis might have lived for years in the same house with Javi and not know of his previous “position” is difficult to imagine.

      Even more surprising, at least for Dennis, is that the pool boy Jasper is now suddenly working on TV as Farleigh’s assistant, a fact he discovers only after he has taken Javi’s advice and shows up to a shooting where, he quickly perceives, he is not truly welcome. When later Farleigh suggests that he’ll drive Jasper home before he comes back to pick up Dennis, he never returns, Dennis greeting him in their bedroom only the next morning.


      Obviously, Dennis is on the way out! He asks Lonnie to pretend to be a pizza boy who demonstrates an inordinate amount of sexual interest in him, just to make Farleigh realize he’s still got his good looks, despite the crow’s feet around his eyes. But it doesn’t seem to work, as Lonnie is sent naked out of the house. Each day it seems clearer that Fairleigh has designs of his new interior design partner.

      Finally, Dennis’ friends convince him that he has to get his lover away from Jasper, so with the help of the wealthy Deirdre (Ellen Karsten) and his falsified travel agent credentials, Dennis arranges for a trip to Columbia with just himself, Farleigh, and Javi to reinforce their relationship and let his lover know of his continued devotion. Once more, it appears that no one in this film can simply tell one another what they feel, but must create a larger-than-life gesture to reveal their real feelings.


     And it as this point that the film really seems to lose any of the satirical charm it might have exuded, as the plot gets bogged down in a series of incredible coincidences that begins with Jasper following them down to South America, supposedly to visit his rich uncle. It turns out that the uncle does, in fact, exist and that he is a noted artist about whom Dennis is oddly knowledgeable. Jasper and his uncle, for no reason it appears but to create another melodramatic flourish, have a difficult relationship which ends with the man turning his bodyguards and their guns upon his guests.

      Dennis makes plans to lure Jasper into sex just to reveal to Farleigh how unfaithful the former pool boy really is, and in the process Dennis discovers: 1) that Jasper’s real love interest has always been Dennis, 2) that Fairleigh, god bless him, still loves Dennis, and 3), Fairleigh has gone after Jasper only in the fear that Dennis might leave him. They could have stayed home and thrashed these issues out without costing Fairleigh an apparent heart attack and death in a strange country. But then, I suppose, there wouldn’t have been all that lovely scenery and sex to wow the audience with.


      In any event, all turns out for the better—at least so it seems. Dennis realizes that what he’d really like to do is go back to college and get a B.A. in Art History, which he imagines—quite mistakenly I must point out—will allow to lecture on the subject to college students. He’s going to need far more than the $200,000 that Fairleigh left him (the man truly was deeply in debt), a couple of more degrees, and a lot of good luck to get a job like the one he wants.

    He hands over the deed to Fairleigh’s house to Javi, who after all, has a history with Farleigh “family” and the house.

     And Dennis takes away the door-prize, the truly well-educated cutie, Jasper, who probably will have to support him until he gets his PhD. Maybe then, with any luck, Dennis can find a job as a waiter, but alas, by that time he’ll be too old for the job. As we learn, being a “toy,” in the end, isn’t always fun.

 

Los Angeles, March 21, 2023 

Reprinted from World Cinema Review (March 2023).

My Queer Cinema Index [with former World Cinema Review titles]

https://myqueercinema.blogspot.com/2023/12/former-index-to-world-cinema-review.html Films discussed (listed alphabetically by director) [For...