Juanma Carrillo | Muro (Wall) / 2010

record of lost love

by Douglas Messerli

 

Juanma Carrillo (director) Muro (Wall) / 2010 [6 minutes]

 

In the middle of a noisy urban center, with construction work going on nearby, a handsome young man (Juanma Carrillo) leans against a wall to wait. We don’t know precisely what he’s waiting for, but the stance and the look of the man suggest he is gay and may even be waiting for a pick up.

     Finally another good-looking you man (Tadeo Dietz) comes along. The two quickly kiss, the first running his hands along the lean body of is friend as if hinting that he has grown too thin. They kiss again, but the second man soon pulls away to answer a phone call, moving away from the other in several directions has the other impatiently waits.

     Off the phone, he returns to the first man who once again embraces him and attempts a kiss, but this time the second man slightly pulls away. The first attempts the maneuvers again, quickly kissing, this time being met with a full kiss from the other, and even a second kiss. The first man runs his hands down the side of his lover. But the second again pulls away. The first tries a third time, and in quick speed-ups of the frame director Juanma Carrillo replays the attempts to reestablish their love. But now each time, the second man pulls away further, refusing the gestures.

   In frustration the second man finally takes out a piece of chalk to write on the wall: “Ya no takiero” (“I don’t love you anymore”) and leaves. The first man, obviously emotionally suffering, moves back against the wall for a moment and bends over in tears. He stands, but repeats his emotional collapse.

     Eventually he stands and writes on the wall: “XQ erres 1 cobarde” (“Because you are a coward.”) And the film ends.

     Given the first man’s response, it appears that the reason they are breaking up is not that the second man has fallen in love with someone else, but hints that he is afraid to continue the relationship with the first man because of the fact that it is gay. Cowardice is the cause, apparently, not the fact that someone else has caught his eye, and when that word comes between two male lovers it hovers over the scene like a cloud from hundreds of such films where one of a couple pulls out a gay relationship for fear of being discovered and perceived as being a gay man by family and friends.

 

Los Angeles, October 4, 2023

Reprinted from World Cinema Review (October 2023).