Deven Green | Beware Homosexuals / 2015

reading the codes

by Douglas Messerli

 

Deven Green (screenwriter and director) Beware Homosexuals / 2015 [6.30 minutes]

 

Canadian comedian Deven Green created a fascinating parody of Boys Beware in 2015. In this work, Green does not focus on the would-be molester as much as she does on the boy, performing a ridiculously queer reading of his body language so that we see not just the original Ralph, but the boy Jimmy as the dangerous homosexuals, with all their actions representing a coded gay language.

      Green changes the central figure’s name to Officer Dick, while the boy becomes Scout. Dick begins the story as an undercover cop looking for homosexuals, but he gradually is converted by the boy into a homosexual through his association with their “hot, sweaty athletics.”

      Since Green supplies a running commentary of the coding, it would be nearly impossible in a short essay to comment on the entire film of 6 ½ minutes, so I will simply try to convey a sense of Green’s parodistic work. Here, for example, is the text to the initial hitchhiking and pick-up scene:

 

“This is officer Dick he is going undercover in broad daylight to find homosxuals.  From a distance they blend in but up close there are finger codes to attract other homosxuals in a row.  Hand pocketing is code for fondles.

      This is Scout, he will know he is gay if his thumb enlarges. Yes it has paid off – he has just won a car.

    Their ilk break many laws: side sitting and over smiling. Officer Dick, undercover homosxual reciprocates with hand in air code meaning 'we be parking.'

     The affirmative back touch is an agreement of future meetings. Dick playing the role of a homosxual driver insists the thumber clean his particulars before moving forward.

      Scout has now scrubbed his business section and his thoughts are on tossing.  Dick, the driver is pleased that protocols are being followed yet reappears as the passenger to indicate that he is flexible in either position.  Scout enters and sits where another man's posterior has been. Very homosxual.”

      On the famed fishing episode of the original, when the narrator reveals that the boy can’t remember when he had so much fun, Devon’s commentary turns every moment into a salacious statement:

 

“Danger! Rods and poles. Pulling up pants, showing 'the form' before both pants are removed. The man sack is fiddled with as Scout fully realizes his basket.  Homosxuals judge each other’s mouth size by testing the limits with food.  Dick sees a perfect match and shows Scout his sizable member in pictures. Dick and his mustache await an affirmative response.

      Waiting...affirmative...yes. The two are locked in a symbiotic relationship anxious to try each other’s 'pout.' Regardless, a North East wind always tightens a trouser.

     And the final scene, as they move on into the hotel room is read by Green as a silly queer scholar as:

 

“After all the mating and courting rituals it is time to put out—in a motel room with half hour rates.  Whoopussy…Dick’s undercover was blown when Scout found Dick’s shield.

      Scout was given a stern warning and now must live with his parents in their economy basement.”

     The later episodes are nearly as clever, particularly the scenes where the young boys gather near a men’s room on the beach.

 

“Public restrooms are a nesting ground for training and drills and undercover Dick has a handful of semen to prove it. Which will Dick chase down to make his own deposit? Well, homosxuals always curve… to the left.

     Dicks now needs it multiple times a day – like VITamins – so he made a rabbit proof fence to snare his little bunnies. The bunny poses with a come hither look before being sand blasted. Dick appeared to have a heavy load so Buck enlisted friends for satisfaction and completion.”

 

      Instead of running away to join his friends when he sees the man following him as in the original version, this boy, according to Green’s reading, runs off the bring back his other friends to share in a threesome.

     Green finishes her comic piece by reminding us that “Homosxuals are a crafty breed found in every parking lot across the Americas. Beware – there may be one right behind you at this very moment.”

      By reinterpreting the entire piece as a gay saga, Green defangs the ugly message of the 1955 and later versions of this short film.

 

Los Angeles, January 1, 2024

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (January 2024)