Ivan Bellaroba | Beware of the Homosexual / 2014

sad tale of tim

by Douglas Messerli

 

Ivan Bellaroba (screenwriter and director) Beware of the Homosexual / 2014 [3 minutes]

 

By the 1980s the gay community had become so outraged by the “Boys Beware” films that satiric shorts began appearing at regular intervals. In a truly inane and meaningless attempt, Opie and Anthony spoofed the film through random comments on their radio show in 2006, and either high school or young college students spoofed it in a short film of 2013, in which the homosexuals were replaced with individuals who had caught the strange disease of impersonating or imitating Marlon Brando. Although their film is embarrassingly amateurish, it still far superior to the Opie and Anthony quips.

       Taking his cues from the Boys Beware film, British director Ivan Bellaroba created a short film in 2014 that sought to identify homosexual behavior and homosexuals through a London West End encounter between a young teen student Tim (Jamie Baker) and an older, well-dressed man Frank (Nick Blair).

       Tim, taking tea at a table, is asked by Frank if he may join him. Frank seems to have a fine sense of humor and quickly engages Tim in a friendly conversation, which the young man appears to be quite enjoying. “What Tim doesn’t know,” intrudes the narrator just as in Boys Beware, “is that Frank is a homosexual: “a man who is physically attracted to people of the same sex. This highly dangerous, highly contagious disease affects thousands of youngsters every year. James doesn’t realize that he is in grave danger.” We now observe the two leaving the café together.

        But the question remains, so the narrator suggests, is how does one recognize a homosexual.

This short comic film provides some clues, despite the fact that homosexuals present no physical symptoms:

 

         1 If a man dresses too smartly or cares too much about the latest trends, he may

            be a homosexual.

         2 If a man doesn’t have a firm handshake there’s a good chance he’s a homosexual.

         3 If a man cannot resist a good dance turn he is very likely to be a homosexual..

         4 If a man is too emotional and often speaks too openly about personal matters he

            then he must be a homosexual.

      Our narrator then summarizes the qualities, suggesting that if a stranger shows any signs of these to “Beware,” for “you never know when a homosexual might be around. There are no vaccines for it, and you may catch it too”—the narrator pauses as we now seem Tim smartly dressed in a new blazer—“like Tim.”

      A final intertitle reads: “If you think homosexuals are sick you should probably see a doctor.”

 

Los Angeles, December 30, 2023

Reprinted from World Cinema Review (December 2023).