choices
by Douglas
Messerli
Harry Dixon and
Mitchel Wicking (screenplay), Harry Dixon (director) Notion / 2018 [30 minutes]
This student
film was made was made at the University of Grimsby in Lincolnshire, and the accents
of that region, it will be difficult, particularly if you attempt to use the
subtitles, for US audiences to follow the dialogue.
But fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately,
depending upon your viewpoint), this short from by director Harry Dixon follows
many of the conventions of a “coming out movie.”
We see two such events, the first of which
includes Liam (Adam Barlow), his best friend Alex (Ethan Bradshaw), and three
girls, Georgia (Elizabeth France), Mollie (Evelyn Seaton-Mooney) and Beth
(Megan Curry). In this film, the women seem to drink more than the men,
particularly Beth, who complains of each day in school of a constant hangover,
and Georgia, who can’t hold her liquor, quickly vomiting her most recent intake
on Alex’s T-shirt.
Liam quickly sends off the three girls,
and suggests Alex borrow one of his shirts, promising to wash the other and
return it.
The visit to his bedroom that this
facilitates, however, results in a discussion between both of them about their
unhappy homelives, particularly given the death of their mothers; and before
they even know it, the two discover themselves in a deep kiss.
Alex, in particular, quickly backs away and quite literally races off,
soon after announcing to all that he remembers nothing of the night and that he’s
now hooked up with Georgia, the least likeable of the three girls.
Liam remembers the events all too well,
and his stunned by the sudden departure from his life of Alex and his endless
denials. But then Alex has always taken the easy way out, seeking a job even
while attending the university while insisting that an education only slows you
down.
Liam, on the other hand, is a serious
student; and Alex’s rejection of him appears to open up a kind of new vision of
what he might accomplish, and he googles what courses and experiences it takes
to become a cancer researcher.
The second part, sans Beth, brings
together Alex and Georgia with Mollie and Liam, Mollie clearly fed up with the
other couple.
They drink enough to repeat the fiasco of the
first time they came together with Beth, but this time, quite amazingly,
everyone goes home somewhat sober, Liam regretting that he has even attempted
to restore relations with Alex.
But as he moves upstairs to bed, there is
a knock at the door, and it is Alex returned. We half hope that he might
finally have recognized the truth of the kiss, that he is truly in love with
Liam, but like so many boys of his age, he refuses to face reality. He has come
back for his lousy white T-shirt, which Liam brings him, cleaned as promised.
He leaves again without any apologies, with even acknowledging that in
accepting the T-shirt he has had to remember what happened.
Liam stands by the closed door, saddened that the boy he loves has just
left his life forever; we witness Alex in bed with Georgia, clearly unable to sleep,
but finally turning over to hold her close as if she might protect him from his
unthinkable memories and desires. We can foretell Alex’s future, having
witnessed it time and again in queer cinema and everyday life, that he’ll marry
and regret it for the rest of his life, perhaps even one day waking up to
realize that he is truly gay and can no longer remain in a relationship with
the empty-headed Georgia or, even worse, will again refuse the truth, and stay
for the sake of his unhappy family.
Liam’s face might also be said to demonstrate
some relief, since he is now moving in a totally different direction in his
life. He has been accepted to the college of his choice, and will surely become
the cancer researcher he chosen for his career. Clearly he can find someone
more appropriate as a lover than the now forever-closeted Alex.
In this “coming out” film, the
realization of loving another of one’s own sex leads not a romp in bed, but a
life outside the closed-off world of high school experience. How well I know
that feeling, and looked forward to college for those very reasons, even if my
sexuality was not fully perceived and certainly not completely accepted by
inner myself. But within a year I would discover who I truly who I was and what
I wanted out of life. That changed, of course, over time; but allowed me to
become someone who is happy and proud of most of my life.
Los
Angeles, July 1, 2025
Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog
(July 2025).
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