Maj Jukic | My Dad Marie / 2020

feeling right

by Douglas Messerli

 

Rory Chiplin (screenplay), Maj Jukic (director) My Dad Marie / 2020 [14.34 minutes]

 

Charlie (Harry Pudwell) is having breakfast in a cafe with his father (Marc Baylis), who is babbling on about things they once shared, sports, Charlie’s college experiences, etc. But Charlie can’t bear with it anymore and jumps and leaves.

     His mother Janine (Jennifer K. Preston) has heard about the meeting by the time he returns home and attempts to talk to him about it. It’s his father, she explains, and he has come to come to terms with the changes. It’s simply how things are. We didn’t plan this, she argues, it just happened. And you simply have to deal with it. You have no real choice.

      He’s not my father, Charlie insists. But Janine tries to calm him insisting that, of course, he is and he will always be the boy’s father. “You simply have to come to terms with it.”

      But Charlie, clearly, isn’t coming to terms with the fact that his father is now a female named Marie, and he insists that he doesn’t want to see him ever again.

      His mother demands that he meet with Marie once more, and Charlie agrees, he declares, only to say goodbye. Janine drives him to Marie’s new flat and drops him off, telling him she’ll be back at 2:00, Charlie responding that it won’t be that long and she should just wait where she is. His mother refuses and drives off.

      Marie is clearly in the process of moving in, but encourages her son to sit on the couch. He does so begrudgingly, again refusing to answer any of the questions about college and getting right to the point, once more claiming that the woman named Marie is no longer his father.

      “Of course you’re still my son. This isn’t about black and white.”

      Charlie angrily counters: “If you wanted this in the first place maybe you didn’t want me. And you’re not my dad, then I’m not your son.”

       Again, Marie insists that their relationship of father and son cannot simply be dismissed, and that it’s not a thing of the past. But the boy is so hurt that he can barely stand to hear Marie’s attempted explanation, obviously feeling, as he expressed earlier, “if he has a right to make a decision, then I do too... I don’t want to see him again.”

       In the next frame we observe Charlie back on a street taking a long walk, presuming that once more he simply bolted from the conversation. But, in fact, Marie’s explanation of events continue, so we recognize that at least Charlie stayed on long enough to hear a partial explanation:

      

       I’m sorry, I’m sorry because it took too long. It took too long to

       make my mind up. I’ve had thoughts about this since I was young.

       I’d try on my mom’s clothes when she was out. And her makeup....   

       It felt right. My dad caught me once. And he hit me around for it.

       I was maybe 8, 9.  And it was things like that that made me shut it

       out, ignore it. I’ve only been ready to do this now. It’s the only time

       that’s been right.

 

       We don’t know whether Charlie posed any questions or whether Marie was able to proffer a fuller description of the feelings that pulled her into becoming a transgender woman. We only see the two of them meeting up for a lunch upon a later occasion.

     This time they seem more comfortable with one another even if their conversation appears to be quite trivial. And surprisingly—even to Marie—Charlie announces he has a gift for her. The gift is a ticket to a major football game coming up at which Charlie will join her, a treasure Marie very much appreciates as the two settle into what appears to be an open conversation once again between son and father, even if the father is now a woman named Marie.

     There is no doubt that this complex and, to most individuals, mystifying subject is treated in Slovenian-born, British director Jakic’s film far too simply and is resolved with a scene that doesn’t truly seem to follow from the previous encounter between his characters. We would have loved to have experienced a much longer discussion of the forces that led Marie to comprehend why she felt uncomfortable in a marriage with what appears to be a fairly loving wife and son. And it would have been helpful if the character simply got an opportunity to explain how her life has improved since her transition, or whether, in fact, her feelings about herself have given her a new sense of possibilities and emotional stability. Is she, in fact, happier now than living within the heterosexual  family unit? And how and when did Charlie finally come round to perceive her difficulties and comprehend that his continued friendship with his former dad were crucial to Marie’s well-being?

        And I, it should now be obvious through my writing, would be interested in learning how her gender change has affected—if it has—her sexual desires. Has she gone through a complete sex change or just a partial one? Is she now attracted to men or women, both or neither?

        But you have to credit Jakic for simply taking on this subject, this being one of the very first short films I’ve seen that even comes near such LGBTQ territory. Moreover, Jakic has not made his transgender woman into a sort of drag queen personification of a female, nor even a woman who has focused her transition on stylish dresses, wigs, and makeup. Charlie’s Marie is quite frankly rather plain and ugly, with manly features draped by long, straight hair, dressed up in a loose beige pants suit, blouse and simple half-heels. If she’s wearing makeup, it hasn’t done much good to hide her facial blemishes. Marie clearly made the transition from within far more than in simple outward appearances. There are a great many cis-gender drag queens that look more convincing as a female than Marie does. And that fact helps to establish Marie as a true character, a still fragile being who perhaps cannot fully explain herself why she has needed to change her gender. All we know is that she has patiently waited and fought for her decision when she felt it was the right time.

       Accordingly, even if this short film’s ending does not ring true, we are pleased that life for this fictional Marie does not end tragically. We still wait, however, for a film that might reveal the forces that lead to transgender desire and how that significant transformation effects the individual’s life and his or her family, particularly within a society that has yet to fully comprehend and accept such behavior. Surely, if nothing else, we know that transgender men and women are some of the bravest of beings on the planet.

 

Los Angeles, September 21, 2021

Reprinted from World Cinema Review (September 2021).