adopting a family
by Douglas Messerli
The
feel-good movie of 2010 might be said to be Lisa Cholodenko's comic The Kids
Are All Right. Like many another movie of its kind, the writing centers on the
well-being of children coming of age within a family that is either having
difficulties or is about to fall apart.
The standard requires everything to turn
out all right at the end, and Cholodenko's work follows that pattern precisely.
The only difference with this version of the genre is that Cholodenko's family
consists of a lesbian couple rearing a 15-year-old boy and a soon-to-college
girl, who are just at the age when they begin to wonder who their father was—in
this case the same sperm donor for both women. Despite the healthy relationship
of the kids to their mothers, the young Laser (Josh Hutcherson) is eager to
know what his invisible "father" looks like, and pleads with his
sister Joni (Mia Wasikowska) to call the donor center for information.
With information in hand, he telephones
the local man, Paul (well played by Mark Ruffalo) and sets up a lunch
appointment with his possible father, himself, and his sister. The man they
discover is a slightly empty-minded, but well-meaning chef/restauranteur who
successfully grows his own garden, despite his seeming inability to maintain
adult relationships with women. His main "squeeze" at the moment is
his hostess, Tanya (Yaya DaCosta).
Meanwhile,
the mothers (Nic and Jules, both excellently acted by Annette Benning and
Julianne Moore) are beginning to wonder about Laser's behavior, unable to
comprehend his relationship with a trouble-making boy, Clay (Eddie Hassell) and
wondering, particularly when they discover their own gay male porno lying open
by the DVD player, if he might be gay. When they question if he is keeping
secrets, he admits to meeting with the sperm donor—a man they've never before
seen—which clearly promises various emotional responses from them. But since
the children seem to have liked him, like any caring parents, they must open up
their lives as well to meet the biological father of their kids.
Although Nic remains dubious about the whole thing, Jules finds Paul
appealing, as he hires her to landscape his back yard. At this point, however,
the movie takes a kind left turn that, while creating the drama of this small
work, also slightly confused me.
Perhaps we should go back to that gay male porno tape which the women
watch. I have no problem with beings of either sex watching a gay porno
tape—indeed I've seen the very tape glimpsed in the movie—but is this common
with lesbian sex? I have never watched a lesbian tape, although I know there
are gays probably attracted to that as well. But, for me, it seems to indicate
somehow the confused sexuality that rears its head once Jules begins working
for Paul, particularly when they find themselves engaging in abandoned sex, as
if Jules had just been waiting for this release her entire life. I am ready to
admit that I know very little about lesbian sexuality, but does Cholodenko
really want to confirm the male heterosexual myth that lesbians are just waiting
for a truly good cock? I have had at least three women friends who, when I was
younger, apparently felt that they could save me from my homosexuality, and
were determined to do so. Not desiring conversion, I quickly moved off. But
Cholodenko's character apparently cannot control herself.
What we also discover in Jules's temporary
abandonment of her seemingly happy relationship is her own inability to
accomplish what she sets out to do, that she is somewhat confused as she
stumbles about her life. Nic, on the hand, is utterly controlling in her
immense abilities often ready to treat her mate as another daughter instead of
a supporting lover.
Perhaps I should just stop there, and
attribute the issues I've brought up to the complexity of the characters. We
all know that there are many mixes of sexualities in all of us. It may be that
we've now grown sophisticated enough that we can easily assimilate these
variations. Upon her discovery that her companion has been sleeping with
"the enemy" so to speak, Nic, despite her anger and hurt, and, after
telling Paul to go find another family to adopt or to create his own, seems
willing to accept her partner's indiscretions. As Jules, somewhat incoherently,
admits:
"...marriage is hard...Just two people slogging through the shit, year after year, getting older, changing. It's a fucking marathon, okay? So, sometimes, you know, you're together for so long, that you just... You stop seeing the other person. You just see weird projections of your own junk. Instead of talking to each other, you go off the rails and act grubby and make stupid choices...."
The son reiterates his support for his mother's relationship with an
unintentionally humorous observation:
Laser: I don't think you guys should break up.
Nic: No? Why's that?
Laser: I think you're too old.
Nic: [wryly] Thanks, Laser.
[Jules grins and puts a hand on Nic's knee,
and Nic covers the hand with
her own.]
At film's end, Joni is off to college and Laser has given up his
mean-spirited and problematic "friend." The kids, indeed, are all
right. We must ask, however, how about the mothers?
Los Angeles, January 11, 2010
Reprinted from World Cinema Review (January
2010).
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