Thursday, January 22, 2026

Bubba Fish and Doug Locke | #ThisCouldBeUs / 2014 [music video]

lamentation for lost love

by Douglas Messerli

 

Bubba Fish and Doug Locke (director) #ThisCouldBeUs / 2014 [4 minutes] [music video]

 

This music video was the featured song on Los Angeles singer Doug Locke’s 2014 album, Blue Heart.

    The cinematic narrative directed by Bubba Fish begins with an older version of Locke (played by Billy Mayo) visiting the house of his long ago gay lover, Ben (Robert Fleet), now with a breathing apparatus in his mouth and obviously not that far away from death.


     For most of the rest of the work the narrative shifts between the older Doug’s visit of Ben and their younger selves at a time when Ben (Bradon Loyd) worked as a lifeguard on a beach, coming to the rescue of Ben, who comes out of the water breathing, the two quickly falling in love.

     The song, by Doug Locke and Eric McNeely, is basically a lament for what these two men have lost. The two might have become a couple, have lived their lives together, and spent their later life looking after one another had it not been for Ben’s choices.


      The lyrics, sung by the younger Doug standing outside of the older Ben’s house express the romantic longing, particularly the second stanza and chorus:

 

I need a parachute

Cause I was falling for you

I gave my heart too soon

Now its black and blue

You take me to the moon

When you’d kiss me that way

Had me going insane

But now I’m chasing fumes

Since you went away

I only want you to stay


CHORUS:

 

This could be us but you playin’

Driving up the coast and singin’

Drinking on the beaches naked

Oooohhh

This could be us

But you couldn’t be the one I needed

Oh I don’t wanna lose this feeling

Dancing til moon is sleepin’

Oooohhh

This could be us

This could be us but you playin’

 

   The vision of their youthful selves dancing and kissing on the beach is deepened by that fact that even the older Doug still wishes that they might have lived their lives together. But obviously Ben couldn’t commit, and eventually he married, his elderly wife (Barbara Oilar) breaking the spell of Doug’s lamentations at the end, announcing the time for him to once more leave his now old lover behind.


     As Locke responded about the song to James Nichols in the Huffington Post: "We all have those former loves that, while life may have lead us in different directions, we find ourselves reminiscing over, daydreaming about what could have been. I'm a firm believer that once you give a person a piece of your heart, you never truly get it back."

     The single hit no. 32 on the iTunes Hot 100 chart and this video went viral with more that 1.3 million views to date, heavily embraced by the LGBT community.

 

Los Angeles, January 22, 2026

Reprinted in My Queer Cinema blog (January 2026).

Pascal-Alex Vincent | Candy Boy / 2007

how good boys learn to become bad

by Douglas Messerli

 

Martin Drouot and Pascal-Alex Vincent (screenplay), Pascal-Alex Vincent (director) Candy Boy / 2007 [13 minutes]

 

 


After his study of film history at the University of Paris III, Pascal-Alex Vincent worked for a while in the distribution of Japanese films in France, most likely where he developed his interest in anime, to which his 2007 animated short seems to be a tribute.

     I don’t know to whom this film in shown in France, but I’d like to imagine that what is now clearly adult oriented material in the US might become a wonderful children’s film not only revealing the problematics of Catholic orphanages, but expounding on the dangers of our eco-system, the joys of queer love, and the reasons for bad-boy behavior. It would be perfect entertainment for kids!

     I’m afraid, however, it would be banned in most of the nation’s red states these days, and perhaps in even some of the blue ones. We’ve retreated into a time when such wonderfully perceptive visions aren’t allowed to be spoken about let alone viewed by the young.


     The central character here, Candy Boy (voiced by Julien Bouanich), is a model student, a slightly older boy in an orphanage who serves as the perfect leader for the younger boys, the sort of older brother you’d dream of. The nuns love him, particularly La mère supérieure (Marie-Christine Darah).

     But one day, while out playing with the younger boys, he observes along with them that most of the fish that swim in the local stream running through the orphanage property are dying. Our vigilant and valiant Candy Boy will most certainly be looking into the matter.

     Except at that very moment, a new boy, closer in age or even older than Candy Boy, suddenly is introduced into the community, Samy (Aymen Saïdi) a tough kid, who smokes, gambles, and, in general, is up to no good. And, even worse, he seems to particularly dislike the do-gooder Candy.


      Of course, his bad boy attitude, like a contemporary James Dean, immediately attracts some of boys and girls. Indeed, Samy threatens Candy Boy’s status—although Candy still beats him in a competitive foot race, perhaps because Samy’s not in the fittest of conditions.

     Candy Boy soon finds some of his peers missing from their dormitory beds at night, hanging out in the bathroom where they’re corrupted into gambling and smoking by Samy.

     Yet, Candy Boy can’t help but be attracted to the new figure, who brags of having refused to be force-fed at the previous orphanage from which he’s been evicted.

     But meanwhile, Candy decides to concentrate his energies upon discovering why the local fish are dying, and even more importantly, why some of the younger boys are suddenly getting sick, in response to whose illness the Mother Superior describes them as faking, particularly when they plead for Candy Boy to come comfort them.


     Cigarette butts have been found in the school toilet, and Samy is taken away for detention, locked up in an orphanage cell. Candy Boy assures him that he hasn’t told anybody about his night-time activities, but all Samy can mutter is “Open your eyes, you might learn something.”   

      Two large smokestacks in the distance certainly hint of the matter. When he tells Mother Superior of his suspicions that the McManus Company is causing the local water pollution, he is told that McManus pays for his uniform, for the fish they have each Friday. Who has put such sordid ideas into his head, Samy? She grounds the boy, refusing to believe any of his accusations.


     That night Candy Boy sneaks out to the McManus plant only to discover Samy is already there as well, the two observing the plant workmen pouring toxic waste into the waters, which is why the orphanage boys are getting sick, so Samy tells him. “You shouldn’t be here Candy Boy. You’re a good pupil,” Samy declares.

     He offers Candy a cigarette and soon tosses his own fag into the waters, an immediate conflagration flaring up, burning down the plant. As the employees rush out, ready to explore what has happened, the boys run off, falling into the bushes on top of one another. For a moment as they regain their composure, Samy insists that Candy Boy has “no place with us,” before the two quickly embrace and quite literally ascend as two entwined, kissing bodies rise into the stratosphere. Who “us” is, is never quite established, but he is certainly taken off to “queer heaven.”


     Candy Boy wakes up naked in a pasture, eventually showing up again at the orphanage with happy greetings from his fellows. He looks for Samy only to discover that he’s being taken off by the police, the Mother Superior insisting that the river contamination was simply an accident. When Candy Boy argues that she’s lying, begging Samy to tell her the truth. But he merely puts his finger to his lips and the paddy wagon rolls off.

      In the very next frame, Candy Boy is at his window where he lights up a cigarette. Mother Superior appears and demands he put out the cigarette and go to bed immediately. Candy Boy simply turns and blows smoke into her face.

      That’s what happens to all good boys who learn the truth about themselves and the society in which they live.

       If every animated feature was as enduring as Candy Boy, I might become a fan of anime as well.

 

Los Angeles, May 30, 2023

Reprinted from World Cinema Review (May 2023).

 

My Queer Cinema Index [with former World Cinema Review titles]

https://myqueercinema.blogspot.com/2023/12/former-index-to-world-cinema-review.html Films discussed (listed alphabetically by director) [For...