David Wachtenheim ? | Thanksgiving / 2001 [SNL skit]

the shape of corn

by Douglas Messerli

 

David Wachtenheim (director?) Thanksgiving / 2001 [SNL skit]

 

The Pilgrims (Will Ferrell, Rachel Dratch, Ana Gasteyer, and Jeff Richards) have fixed up their Thanksgiving dinner, a turkey, rabbits, and berries. But the Wampapo tribe and still not arrived and the turkey is getting cold. But Goody Albon (Dratch) spots them arriving with Master Jonathan (Billy Bob Thornton) carrying something they’ve never seen before, corn or maize, Master Jonathan’s favorite color. He explains: “It’s only the most ingenious food ever. It’s nutritious, decorative, and much do I love the shape.” He explains he was wandering and came upon the most “beautifully rustic, shabby chic Indian village he’s ever laid on eyes. I mean they had gone all out with the dramatic use of lumber, bark, sod, animal skins, swags of animal skins.”

   In case you haven’t guessed by now, Master Jonathan is a not only a “confirmed bachelor,” as another Pilgrim describes, but a queer queen, just hot for the bodies of his Indian friends, one of whom later explains, “By the way, me with him but me not with with him.” Jonathan continues explaining his discovery. “So here I am in paradise surrounded by half-naked gorgeous people with flawless caramel skin. And I began to wonder, did I eat poison berries, because I can’t breathe. That’s when he put it in my mouth.”

    One of the elder female pilgrims falls back in a cry for the sacrilegious use of language. “The corn! What were you thinking of Goody Guttermind? Anyway, as usual, I swallowed. The corn!” he reminds Goody.

     Finally, they sit down to say a blessing. But this time, Master Jonathan is outraged by the meagre and quite meaningless center piece, and begs someone to scoot it over and bends down as if giving fellatio to the nearby Indian, suddenly producing a completely masterful centerpiece, worthy of any Thanksgiving table.

      Just before beginning the meal, Jonathan, turns to his Indian friends, saying “Will one of you sweaty brutes please pull my meat?” again knocking the female Pilgrim almost to the ground with the blasphemy of his language. “Off the turkey. I’m so over you people!” 

      They all agree, nonetheless, to do this every year.

      This piece consists pure gay corn.

 

Los Angeles, December 13, 2024

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (December 2024).