Rafael Thomaseto | Próprio (Self) / 2020

where is love?

by Douglas Messerli

 

Rachel Ancelevicz and Rafael Thomaseto (screenplay), Rafael Thomaseto (director) Próprio (Self) / 2020 [14 minutes]

 

This film by Brazilian director Rafael Thomaseto features a young 16-year-old, who like so many teenagers everywhere is made to feel isolated and different, particularly if you are a closeted homosexual, in a world in which his peers lie and brag about their numerous female conquests and mock those like the central character of this film, Fernando (Jota Barletta), who is unable to find someone of his age who might fulfill his sexual desires and yet undesiring of the girls with whom their friends expect him to sexually engage.

    Unfortunately for many teens and even younger boys who have personally recognized their sexual difference, they are forced, particularly in our digital age, to seek out older boys and men on line, often with unfortunate results.

    That is precisely what happens to Fernando, who makes a date in the local park with a man named Edson (Theodora Cochrane).

    Edson is handsome enough to engage the young Fernando, and at first seems genial, perhaps the perfect person to introduce someone like the young experienced teen into gay sexuality. But the minute the boy has led him to a forested path and begins to demonstrate his eagerness, the testosterone level obviously rises in the older partner and without any of the romantic gestures of Fernando in mind, Edson forces him up against a tree, pulls down his pants, and brutally fucks the young man who has not yet even experienced anal sex.

     Any of us who have been fucked (I personally found it comfortable to serve as both bottom and top) have had to experience those first pains of the anus being opened wide enough to accept a penis. But generally, that first, maybe second, and third time, we engaged with someone who was gentle enough to explain the process and go slowly, also engaging in foreplay which helps ready am anal virgin for what comes next.

      Edson, obviously without empathy or a fig of thoughtfulness, gets right to business, literally torturing the first-timer. And, in some respects, one might describe his sexual encounter with the boy as a kind of rape.

      The director, in his synopsis, suggests that it is “a traumatic episode that will undoubtedly haunt Fernando the rest of his life,” a statement that seems somewhat overwrought since when one actually decides to enter into sex as a gay individual, one expects and even fears some unpleasant surprises, some possible pain, with the faith that further experiences will surely be more enjoyable. The presumption seems to be that Fernando was completely unaware that anal sex is painful at first. Yet the young man, self-described, as a “sporty twink,” would have been totally unprepared and unaware of what was possible. And while there is no question that the young adult he meets is cruel and insensitive, interested only in fulfilling his own needs, I can’t imagine that in todays world of available porn and online messaging, that a neophyte might not have suspected that there was also some danger in his suddenly hooking up with an unknown man.

     Most certainly, Fernando was unnecessarily hurt, severely disappointed with what he dreamed would be a sexual thrill, but that it might affect him the rest of his life as trauma seems to read the character as a far weaker being that Barletta plays him.

     I might add, moreover, that young women, unfortunately, have long had to imagine that their first sexual experience, given the despicable behavior of the male gender, might be other than they expected.

     Even more importantly, if Fernando is actually that traumatized, what is goal of this film? Is it simply a warning for young teens not to try out sex with someone they don’t know, someone older than them? Is there no other dimension to this movie other than a statement of the dangers of a pre-arranged meeting on-line with an unknown party?

     If so, we might as well put this movie in the same bin as the 1950s and 60s US films Boys, Beware! In actuality, the film ends with Fernando turning to a gentle encounter with another kind of animal, a horse he obviously has cared for or ridden previously on a nearby ranch, suggesting to me that the character recognizes how to heal, is quite resilient and understands that not all gay men with whom he might anonymously meet up are violent and insensitive. I guess the question is: does his masturbatory acts just previous to his encounter with the horse hint at a memory of that violent moment in the woods or a future in which a sexual partner will involve him more fully in the romance of love-making.

     Perhaps the real problem is that today young boys are made to feel that it is necessary to engage in sex at 16 or 17 in order to define themselves as socially fit. Although at the very same age, I wish there was someone there to encourage me to take advantage of my hormonal urges. I was far more innocent than is Fernando when I did finally have my first gay sexual encounters.

     In short, the signatory statement by Rafael Thomaseto appears to undercut the depth of his own insights as represented in his short film.

 

Los Angeles, July 20, 2025

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (July 2025).