Elaine Holliman | Chicks in White Satin / 1993

a special wedding

by Douglas Messerli

 

Elaine Holliman (director) Chicks in White Satin / 1993

 

Elaine Holliman’s Oscar nominated documentary begins with the two young lesbian women, Debra and Heidi en media res for their plans about their upcoming wedding, amazed that just a short while before they both believed they could never get married, that they could never dance in public; but now they are going to get married and dance in public on the very same day—and kiss in public as well!

      Their decision way back in 1993, long before gay marriage was legalized in the US, was certainly a ground-breaking one. At one point Debra’s father worries about their calling it a “wedding,” but finally realizes that since the dictionary definition of that word—the joining of two people in marriage—is without any designation of a male or female it is the perfect description of the event.

     In the next scene they spend a long time at a department store explaining that originally they weren’t going to register at the store because of the problems with the computer, which demands that the gift-givers click on the “groom” or “bride,” an issue which they didn’t want to have to put their families through. But the computer expert quickly resolves the situation by putting in both their names as the brides, Debra Stern-ellis and Heidi Stern-ellis, excluding any mention of a groom.

     The next interview is with Heidi’s mother who is not all sure that she can deal with the issue of the marriage, having not quite yet been able to accept her daughter’s gay sexuality. Although she insists that she never pressured her daughter to get married and have a family, she admits was her expectation, her “natural” hope. But you don’t think about it anymore that you focus on the fact that you hope your child will be safe, she argues. “I mean you don’t ever think of them, hoping that they don’t go to jail. You hope they stay out of trouble, but you don’t really dwell on ‘What if they go to prison or something?’—which would be worse than being gay!” Her slipping in of that comparison, prison and lesbian love, suggests she has a long way to go before coming to full terms with the celebration these women are planning.

      On the other hand, Debra’s parents have supported her for many years, her mother testifying that “we both decided that we were not going to throw her away,” yet another perhaps unfortunate expression with regard to a gay human being. But we recognize these parents’ love their daughter deeply and they are totally engaged in participating in the wedding.

      The two women, meanwhile, plan their flower arrangements and their musical accompaniment, showing a large stack of file cards to the camera that represents how many people they’ve invited from their hometown and elsewhere. Later in the film, however, they are saddened when uncles and aunts respond that they cannot attend the event, realizing how much they will be missed, but Heidi hinting, without actually expressing the words, that some of those negative responses might be due to homophobia. And later still in this film they discuss their fears that while the gay people they invite may feel at home to fully celebrate at the wedding, the straight contingent may demonstrate uncomfortableness. In the end they concur that perhaps that’s all right given all the heterosexual events that they have had to attend without fully being able to celebrate the situation.

      Even Heidi’s mother thinks they should call it a wedding, but qualifies her agreement—hinting at her fears and lack of full acceptance—“at least until someone sues them or tells them they can’t do that.”

      Should they have flowers in their hair? Debra argues that she didn’t want a veil originally because it symbolized submission to men. But then she adds, that she found it went nicely with dresses and was sexy and imagined lifting it up to see the world anew—but probably won’t do that because it suggests the idea of a virgin.

      They meet with the female Jewish rabbi who explains to them that after the breaking of the glass, traditionally the couple—she pauses—“kiss.” Heidi laughs: “You say that like my mother.”

Yes, they agree they are going to kiss, perhaps not a long kiss, but they will kiss, and as if to prove it they do so in front of the rabbi and the camera.

      There are awkward moments as the two women learn to dance. It’s apparent that both of them must have stood throughout their high school years far away from the arms of young men or even those of their female peers, for these girls are loveably clumsy in their attempts to box-step out a waltz. But it’s charming to watch them practice for their special moment in the after-wedding celebration.

      The joy and excitement that these women feel in their plans to show their love and commitment after 8 years together is apparent. But there are also moments of tears and even anger.

      Debra’s mother writes to Heidi’s mother in hopes of easing her discomfort concerning her daughter and the celebration. But the recipient of the letter admits to anger. Debra’s mother describes the fact that Heidi has been invited to all their family events. “We love and respect her, but she has a heavy heart. She would love for you to be more open with her.” The mother feels as if she’s being told how to behave with her daughter and that she is unaware of daughter’s feelings. And in that context she explains that her worst terror is embarrassment which she now fears she will suffer if she attends the shower and the wedding itself.

      Heidi is delighted when her mother shows up at the shower, but the distance the mother feels is still apparent even on camera, and afterwards, discussing her feelings with the rabbi, Heidi admits that both she and her mother want so much to be closer, but—she breaks down in tears, perceiving the great difficulties that still face both of them. It is a painfully moving moment, the feeling any gay person with hesitant parents suffers over and over in their attempts to help their parents feel comfortable just being around them and their lover. And Heidi, like so many others, fears that her relationship with the woman who bore her will never again be the same.

      Yet the wedding itself, which both families attend with great joy, transpires with near perfection.  The beautiful qualities they describe in one another, if sentimental, bring tears to both their eyes. And as she puts down the traditional glasses to be smashed beneath heels of two brides the rabbi brilliantly announces the significance of their wedding: “To shattering homophobia, anger and hate; to sealing joy and love.”

      Amazingly, Heidi’s mother speaks directly to the camera after, admitting that she now recognizes the love between the two, something that needn’t even be explained. She laughs, “And I was feeling so glad that this wasn’t just a typical, just another wedding. Well, it was nice, it was beautiful, and I’m not sure you can always get feeling from…’regular’ weddings.”

      The married couple awkwardly dance a waltz and Debra’s mother breaks in to dance with her daughter, her father dancing with Heidi’s mother before Debra’s mother cuts in again and dances away with her fellow mother who now is smiling and enjoying the celebration. Everyone, it seems, now realizes just how extraordinary these two women and the moments they are sharing with them are.

    

Los Angeles, March 23, 2023

Reprinted from World Cinema Review (March 2023).