the seeking never stops
by
Douglas Messerli
Kyle
Krieger (screenwriter and director) Boyfriend / 2017 [6 minutes]
There’s
not much to be said about this painfully sweet short film about deception. Indar (Indar
Smith) meets up with Jake (Jake Wilson) at a fast food counter. The two good to
talking and find a great deal in common, including each other’s knees and the
hands placed upon them.
The next day Jake calls Indar to join him
in a beautiful lookout over the city, followed by another
wonderful
day, a discussion of shared TV series, a lovely settling down across a bed as
they listen to music, and a beautiful view of the nighttime skyline. Indar
waits for the kiss, and finally, after leaning forward to receive it for some
time, begins to initiate it, with suddenly Jake turning his head aside so that
it meets only his cheek.
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The now confused and lonely Indar, so full of
joy the two previous days, wonders what has gone wrong, and if the two might
meet up again that day.
We watch Jake in the bathroom brushing his teach. Another man, not nearly as handsome as Indar, comes up behind him for a hug.
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Indar sees Jake’s response on his cellphone:
“I have a boyfriend.”
Why, we can only wonder, has Jake led him
on? Why the deception? Well, of course, we can imagine dozens of answers: The
fact that Indar was receptive to him has boosted Jake’s ego. Jake is possibly
considering sex outside of his relationship, but gets cold feet. Jake is a
serial liar. Jake is simply needy. Jake sees out relationships as evidence of
his power.
None of these explanations obviously
answers why someone with the open smile and friendly mien of Indar deserves to
be treated the way Jake has behaved to him. Yet, we know that in the gay world
this happens nearly every hour of every day.
Many gays are lifelong cruisers, seeking
out someone new with whom to engage, while most straight boys, presuming they’re
the center of the universe, I’d argue, wait for the girls to make the first
move, to shower them with love, and maneuver them into marriage.
Married straight men also cruise of
course, cheat on their wives, perhaps more than even gay men. But there is
something about all those years the gay boy has had to wait to discover that he
is actually different, that love will not come to him, but that he must go out
and seek it out when he is able to do so, generally after he leaves his teens;
that changes things. A pattern is established: the seeking never stops.
Los
Angeles, September 6, 2025
Reprinted
from My Queer Cinema blog (September 2025).
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