Reinout Hellenthal | Anders (Something About Alex) / 2017

sorry caterpillar

by Douglas Messerli

 

Paul Bontenbal (screenplay, based on an idea by Mariska Breedland), Reinout Hellenthal (director) Anders (Something About Alex) / 2017 [18 minutes]

There is something wrong with Alex (Maas Bronkhuyzen). In the first few frames of this lovely short film, he goes stalking about the woods, hitting trees and fallen tree limbs in a branch. But a moment or later a clod of soil hits his back, and he turns to see his sister’s boyfriend Hendrik (Kay Greidanus), everything seems changed as they playfully toss small pieces of mud at one another before Hendrik finally picks up and tosses the younger boy over his shoulder, Alex demanding “mercy.” They sit for a moment talking, Alex probing at an insect on the stick in his hand. Hendrik demands he leave it alone, Alex commenting “It’s just a caterpillar,” to which the older boy responds, “But one day a butterfly.” He insists he say “sorry caterpillar.”

     The minute they return home, however, both his mother (Marike van Weelden) and sister Annelies (Roos Netjes) express their distress at his appearance, demanding he take a shower and get dressed immediately, his mother having laid out some fresh clothes. Alex undresses, looking at his lean boyish frame in the mirror, but when spying the clothes, he refuses to wear them even though the event they are about to attend is apparently a wedding.

     At the family table Annelies has some important news to share with Alex. She and Hendrik had long ago put their name in for a residence in the city, and it’s now come through; they will soon be moving there. Alex, furious, goes stalking off into the barn, relating more to the gentle cows that to his own family members. He’s in love, so it seems, with Hendrik and the fact that he’s moving away is not just uncomfortable, but a kind of teenage tragedy. To whom can he possibly relate when Hendrik and Annelies are gone?

    Hendrik soon joins him in the barn, suggesting that he must have known that this news was on its way. “It won’t be so bad. You’ll have a place to crash when you come in the weekends.”

     But Alex is still morose. “Everything, everything will change,” he insists, Hendrik admitting that it may be true, but change can also sometimes before the better.

     If we suspected that we were, in fact, witnessing a kind of “coming out” movie it is confirmed by Hendrik’s advice that Alex tell his mom, or maybe his sister, since she would surely understand.

     Yet, we feel something odd going on here. Is Hendrik really the object of Alex’s desire? And if so, does this farm story actually haunt the same halls as Carson McCullers’ Member of the Wedding (the film version of 1952) in which Frankie Addams imagines herself to be not only a witness to, but a member of the wedding of her brother and his soon-to-be bride. If Frankie might be perceived as a tomboy or a future lesbian who imagines herself as almost encompassing her brother’s role, Alex seems to similarly have a gay attraction to her sister’s future husband. And now that Annelies is taking him away to the city, he has no one to even share his imaginative secret.

     On the drive to the church, all his mother can complain of is the fact that he has worn his fancy shoes into the barn. She suggests that if he’s going to have such a grumpy face, he should sit in the back of the church. Alex does so, watching, as the couple marry at the altar, his own sister joyfully caressing the shoulder of Hendrik, reminding him again that soon she will not take him away merely to another place but remove him from any possibility of Alex and his private and secret love.

    Alex becomes so caught up in his fears that in the midst of the ceremony he stands as if is about to protest the marriage; but when the minister acknowledges him, runs from the church.

    As he returns to town near his farm, he sees a group of boys playing soccer, and oddly calls out to them, asking if he might join them. The leader, Lucas (Joes Brauers) quickly scoffs at the question, laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation, as if a “queer” boy could possibly be able play a game with them. But when Alex stands his ground, he agrees, demanding, however, that he loses he won’t cry.

    Alex not only holds his own, but outmaneuvers the others, controlling the ball and ultimately proving himself a far better player than most of the others.

    As the two boys, Lucas and Alex, walk down a lane together after, Lucas wonders whether Alex has learned the game on the farm, admitting that he is “pretty good.” A few second later, however, an even stranger event occurs. Lucas suddenly almost touches and quickly rubs against Alex’s hand, and as the farm boy turns in some confusion, he attempts to kiss him, Alex pulling away and storming off as Lucas cries out “Sorry. Sorry.”

     Back at home, we see Alex’s mother looking out the window in consternation, obviously wondering where Alex might have gone off to.

     When he returns, it is Hendrik again who rushes out to wonder what has happened, as Alex’s mother soon joins him, wondering what has brought on such behavior.

      Alex begs insists upon returning to his room, his mother insisting he come back, after several calls of Alex, demanding: “Alexandra come here!” Alex turns, glowering, “Don’t call me like that!”

     The mother continues, “No listen, you’re my little girl,” he yelling “No,” as she finally slaps him, Alex turning again to reveal a much smaller female with long, straight hair. And in that moment we perceive the reality of the situation, as Dutch director Reinout Hellenthal visually spells it out for us, forcing us to reexperience several previous scenes with the young would-be transgender girl who sees herself as the boy others, with the exception of Hendrik, do not.

       It is a brilliant way to help us perceive how a transgender individual might feel trapped in a body in which at every moment she is attempting to escape, and imagines herself having left behind. He is Alex, not the young girl his mother perceives him to be. He is Alex, another boy, and not the girl Lucas has thought might like a kiss. Alex refuses to wear a dress that his mother has put out for him to wear to the wedding. And the wedding itself sparks the confusion within him that heteronormative marriage presumes.

      At film’s end the two, Alex and Alexandra stand in a field, both in tears, as Alex gutturally growls out at his female self in an attempt to scare her off. A moment later, Alex feels Hendrik’s hadd upon his shoulder, his mother soon running to him as she calls out Alex, taking him into her embrace, admitting, “I just don’t know how to deal with this, you know.” She continues, “I noticed, but…” ending mid-sentence as the family gathers round to create a presence of support. It’s clear that in this loving family, at least, Alex will be in good hands. Unlike Frankie, he is indeed a member of the wedding even as his sister and Hendrik move off.

 

Los Angeles, September 1, 2025

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (September 2025).