Daniel Ribeiro | Eu Não Quero Voltar Sozinho (I Don't Want to Go Back Alone) / 2010

who kissed me?

by Douglas Messerli

 

Daniel Ribeiro (screenwriter and director) Eu Não Quero Voltar Sozinho (I Don't Want to Go Back Alone) / 2010 [17 minutes]

 

Recognized as one of the best short LGBTQ films of the early 21st century, Brazilian director Daniel Riberio’s I Don’t Want to Go Back Alone might be described as a warm-up for his feature film, The Way He Looks, which continues and expands the events that occur in this 17-minute short.

    Like the later work, a new boy, Gabriel (Fabio Audi) arrives in 15-year old Leonardo’s (Ghilherme Lobo) high school classroom, quickly becoming friends with Leonardo, whose desk he sits behind, and Leonardo’s long-time friend Giovana (Tess Amorim). Giovana is secretly in love with Leonardo, but since he cannot see her obvious facial reactions to him, perceives it only as a good friendship. He depends on her to walk him home after school each day, even though she goes several blocks out of her way to do so, and simply likes her company, never even questioning his sexuality.

     But that quickly changes when Gabriel appears, sometimes taking over for Giovana, the cute Leonardo grabbing his arm readily as the two move into closer friendship, ultimately working together on a school project in which the boys must team up with other boys to write on Sparta, while the girls work together on Athens.

      The metaphor is appropriate since Gabriel soon becomes Leonardo’s Achilles to his Patroclus—or vice versa. Although Giovana resents his intrusion between her and Leonardo, she is also attracted to the handsome newcomer, so things become somewhat complex without developing into the far great intricateness of the events in the longer film.

      Mostly we simply observe the increasing closeness of the two boys, which finally results in Leonardo realizing that he is, in fact, in love with Gabriel. He immediately tells Giovana without realizing her own reactions. But the same evening, Gabriel has a dentist’s appointment, and Giovanna has a family birthday party to attend, and for the first time Leonardo is left to walk home alone, obviously from the title something which he is loath to do.

      He accomplishes the short walk home quite nicely. But he feels suddenly left out in the cold when it comes to both those upon whom he depends.

      The evening before Gabriel has removed his sweater as the two boys are studying and left it by accident, but Leonardo has promised to bring it back to him the next morning. We’ve already seen him grab up the garment and smell it closely, but unlike the longer film in this short work he takes the totem no further.

       When the doorbell rings and someone appears at his door, he simply assumes it’s Giovana, finally finished with her family duties, and before she can say a world, apologizes for pouring out his love for Gabriel to her. But it is Gabriel, delighted to hear the news, in reward for which, kisses him full on the lips before rushing out with his sweatshirt which he has returned to pick up.

       Confused by the events, Leonardo sits on his bed contemplating recent events. But soon Giovana shows up, he suddenly realizing that it could not have been her the first time. Immediately he goes on search for Gabriel’s sweater, unable to find it where he left, but also asking Giovana whether or not she can see such a sweater, under the bed perhaps. When she reports that there is no sweater, suddenly Leonardo smiles, realizing that, in fact, his love for Gabriel has been returned.

       The sweat closure to this short, in many ways is superior to the end of the longer work. Yet overall, The Way He Looks is the superior film simply because it creates such a fuller picture of the trio’s life together, and shows how the two boys grew to love one another through their sharing of various tactile events.

       Yet this short work remains one of the best short gay tales of romance of the period, not only exploring how a young blind boy find love in a world that is difficult for those even with full sight, and finally treating us to a “coming out” film in which the central character does even know that he need make such a statement. In his dark world, he has simply stumbled on to someone else with whom he enjoys being and who shares his feelings, expressing it in the most pleasurable of manners, kissing the other out of love. The joys of sex shall surely follow, but for now their love is a truly innocent one.

 

Los Angeles, August 21, 2022

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema Blog (August 2022).