Zach Robinson | Two Beers / 2022

a special day

by Douglas Messerli

 

Zach Robinson (screenwriter and director) Two Beers / 2022 [6 minutes]

 

Two down and dumb janitors, Graham (Ben Tjaden) and Adrian (Matthew Bullerdick), bored, are wrestling when one asks the other about whether he’d do gay porn. The other responds that, yeh, he probably would if he got paid enough.

    The conversation quickly shifts to drinking just two beers, the perfect amount for a buzz.

     For another moment they discuss the causes of albinism, Graham admitting that that he’s colorblind, and quickly move on to him mentioning that he has now broken up with his girlfriend, Ashley. The two briefly celebrate their eligible bachelorhoods with a chant.

     Clearly, this short comic work doesn’t quite know where to take these to not very bright workers who have evidently long been longtime friends.

     They go back to their mopping. That is until Graham mentions that today is kind of special day from them.

     For Adrian it just seems like a normal Tuesday, which quite upsets Graham who refuses to believe Adrian can’t recall that it’s 20 years since they became friends. “It’s our fucking anniversary, man!”

     But before Graham can get too upset he discovers what he suddenly realizes might be a bomb. The plant lights go dim and the place is relit in a kind of blue-tinted glow.

    Rushing back and forth, Adrian discovers that the fire doors are locked.

    Graham realizes that his cellphone isn’t working.

    Adrian’s only suggestion is that, just perhaps they should try to diffuse it.  

    Since there are only 3 chords they randomly make a decision to cut one of them.

    As they count to three, Adrian with a cutter in his hands, Graham closes his eyes and quickly chants, “Ashley, I broke up because I don’t like girls. I’ve always liked boys like you!”

    Adrian cuts the chord, and the lights flash back on.

    After an extended pause, Adrian turns to his friend: “Wait. Really?”

    “I just said that because I thought we were gonna die,” Graham lamely lies, turning his head away from having to face his friend.

    Adrian: “Because I feel the same way.”

    Graham turns back toward Adrian, a smile on his lips: “Really?”

    This film is quite clearly a lame one-liner that is so thin on plot that it has to stretch out a three minute routine to twice it’s size, and even that is perhaps a little bit too much to endure.

    These clowns should drop their mops and go out for those two beers.

 

Los Angeles, February 9, 2026

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (February 2026).