Jason Knade | All-American Boy / 2013 [music video]

the endless longing

by Douglas Messerli

 

Steve Grand (lyrics and music), Jason Knade (director), All-American Boy / 2013 [5 minutes] [music video]

 

Gay pop singer Steve Grand’s first hit brought him major attention, and with good reason. All-American Boy is a powerful narrative that outlines the experiences of nearly any young man, not yet sure what being queer is all about, but nonetheless having desires for the hottest and best- looking boy in his school. For me it was the senior football captain—who, in fact, may have been gay and offered me the opportunity, which alas as a high school freshman I was too frightened to accept, of finding out.

      For Grand it is a handsome straight boy at a party. Sure, he’d brought along his own girlfriend, but so did Grand; it was required as a cover. So one never knew for sure, and the way Grand’s “All-American Boy” keeps staring at him, perhaps it’s just possible that they might, for just one night, find love together.

     Drinking whiskey from the bottle, smoking numerous cigarettes, the moment his girlfriend (Ashely Lobo) leaves the bonfire for just a few minutes, Grand’s idol (performed by Nicholas Alan), joins him and the adventure begins when it appears to the young gay dreamer that anything is possible.

    Grand’s lyrics say it all. He reports that he chose the title because that was how his father always introduced his sons, as just “All-American” boys who were members of Boy Scouts, who worked hard, and received good grades at school.

     But in this narrative fantasy, the term takes on new meaning, as the boy becomes a kind of reiteration of the sexuality that popular straight boys often imbued in their nonchalant masculinity. Growing up in the fifties, I remember it well, boys white T-shirts (often the sleeves rolled up once, or if twice stashed with a pack of cigarettes) and denims, blonde or light brown hair (I preferred the darker haired and more hirsute types like the football captain). They stood out as tougher versions of someone like Tab Hunter, dangerous to approach yet self-conscious about their effect on someone like me; one had to be careful not to stare too long. But the longing never left one’s heart.

      Grand begins his song with a similar description:

 

Ripped Jeans, only drinks whiskey

I find him by the fire while his girl was getting frisky, oh

I say we go this road tonight

He smiles, his arms around her

But his eyes are holdin' me, just a captive to his wonder, oh

I say we go this road tonight

      In fact, Grand describes my very feelings in my own youth, and probably those of thousands of other such boys: the mix of longing and fear, possible reception and outright rejection. Grand notes in a BuzzFeed interview that the song was inspired by the negative experiences he encountered as a gay male throughout his adolescence, including conversion therapy:

 

“I needed to do something to share the ache and share the pain that I've felt for most of my life. This is the story I wanted to tell. This is who I want to be. I owe that. I owe that to all the people who have felt this.”

 

     Yet, in the famous chorus of this ballad, he throws caution to the wind, almost demanding that his fantasy comes true for once:

 

“Be my All-American boy tonight

Where everyday's the Fourth of July

And it's alright, alright

And we can keep this up 'til the morning light

And you can hold me deep in your eyes

It's alright, alright

So be my, be my

All-American boy"

     And in this song he almost gets his way, as the boy, his girlfriend, and Grand escape the part in an auto, the boys getting on well, while the girlfriend becomes peeved; and when they stop to toss what appears to be a small tennis ball, she drives away by herself, leaving Grand and the man of his dreams alone.

    They trudge down the dirt path to a small lake which they both know about (this is after all Wisconsin, where lakes are everywhere). The boy strips and dives in, leaving the handsome Grand to think about what it might mean if he does the same.

     He does, and like heterosexual boys everywhere rough house for a moment before separating. But this time when Grand returns for more of the same, while also moving in for a kiss, almost covered over in the video with a montage of all the scenes leading up to it.

      The All-American boy, however, pulls away, startled, somewhat disgusted, leaving the water and Grand to find his own way back to the party.

       When Grand does return, his idol is with a new girl (Regina Marie). As the others enjoy the bonfire, his “All-American boy” attempts to draw Grand back into the festivities, hinting that he’s okay with what happened, that it didn’t really matter.

       But, of course, it did very much matter to the singer, who hovers in open shirt, separated from the celebrating crowd, knowing that his longing can never be fulfilled, that he will once more go to bed alone that night.

       All of this, some of which was recorded in Grand’s own basement with a bass guitar, drums, and with Grand himself on the piano.

       If the music isn’t at all innovative and doesn’t even begin to challenge our ears, it works stunningly, nonetheless, with the narrative and cinematic images to make this a truly important music video, done on what in the music video business is a dime, about $7,000 paid for entirely by Grand.

 

Los Angeles, July 8, 2025

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (July 2025).