Ryan Turner | I'm Not Gay / 2013 [music video]

in denial

by Douglas Messerli

 

Jesse Pepe (screenwriter and lyricist) Ryan Turner (director) I’m Not Gay / 2013 [4 minutes] [music video]

 

An actor and model, Jesse Pepe made his acting premier in Depravity (2012), and since has continued to perform in numerous TV series and film shorts. But today he is perhaps best known for his own, highly clever and ironic music videos, performed under the name J. Pee, in which he tackles difficult issues from the mundane question of whether a watched pot truly boils (Watched Pot, 2018) and Santa Claus’ terrifying Christmas wish lists (Santa Claus Is Coming with Guns, 2015), to far more complex social, cultural, and psychological problems of Inadequate (2018).

     More typical of his music videos, however, are his several comic explorations of various gay and generally queer and nefarious activities expressed in works such as his break-out video, I’m Not Gay (2013), and in numerous other works including Sensual Masturbation (2014), Jellyfish (2017), 21st Century Cockblock (2017), and Candy Rapper (2018).

     I’m Not Gay is a rap song that might be send to capsulize all the figures I have spoken about in “The I’m Not Gay Syndrome” into the central character who just hanging out with his friends (Mathieu Forget, Nicholas Rush, and Gregory Shelby) behaves in some very odd ways.

     For example:  

 

“Chillin' with my homies at the Home Depot

  (Home Depot)

  Buyin' screws and nails, manly shit you know?

  (You know?)

  My homie says to me "What kind of drill you want?"

  (He asked me)

  So I said I wanted one right in the ass”

 

“What?” his friends react.

Immediately attempting to cover up, J. Pee raps out his standard response:

 

"I'm not gay

  I'm not gay

  It was a joke guys, come on

  I'm not gay

  I like vag more than a pornstar scandal

  But can I get the drill with the bright pink handle?"

 

    Soon after while playing football with his friends in the park, he discovers once again, that he can’t control himself:

 

“Playin' tackle football with my homies in the park

  Had to wrap it up cause it was gettin' dark

  (Gettin' dark)

  The other team was looking straight scary as shit

  (Ooooo)

  But my quarterback, he ain't having none of it

  (He ain't scared)

  He looked at me and told me no matter where I was at

  My priority job was to protect the sack

  (Okay)

  So fourth down, he bends over and yells "Hike!"

  So I went and grabbed his balls!”

“Huh...” his best friends back away.

     And again, J. Pee explains:

 

“I'm not gay

  I'm not gay

  I'm just doing my job, step off

  I'm not gay

  It's not like I was purposefully tryin' to feel them

  (I wasn't)

  I just care about the safety of your future children

  (Godfather)

  ……….

  Next time I'll just let your balls get mangled, son

  P.S. I didn't know that you were so well hung”

 

     Yet another incident occurs as he strolls down the street with his friends in West Hollywood. Suddenly a dude walks by him with his shirt off, J. Pee unable to resist responding, “Damn bitch, you fine!”

     Once again he declares he’s not gay, just “comfortable with his own sexuality,” so comfortable that he can admit it when he sees a handsome face, and pretty eyes, and—continuing on—“a rock hard chest, and rippling abs / And the tightest ass, and those sculpted calves / And those bulging quads, and the perfect bod / And ohh my god, take your pants off.”

This time there’s simply no longer any room for denial, as he sings out:

“I'm so gay

  I'm fucking gay

  I'm the dude wearin’ nail polish yelling "Hey!"

  I'm the dude at the party who'll grab your butt

  (That's me)

  And when you turn around and look at me I'll be like "What?" ……….

   

     By this time, he’s not only a full-fledge fairy, but is busy, bright lettuce green shower cap on his head, taking what appears to be an endless shower, so long that even is buddies complain. All he can do his rap back once more “I’m so gay, etc.”

     Their response is that that they're gay too, and they need to use the shower. J’s shocked, as they explain that they weren’t reacting to his being queer but for the fact that he was quite literally accosting them and others, joining him in a celebratory dance.

     Pepe, a musical student graduate from Weber State University in Utah comments that his parody reminds him of “a few guys I met…and slept with.”

 

Los Angeles, May 16, 2024

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema (May 2024).