yes, i’m blue
by Douglas Messerli
Vuslat Karan and Burcu Melekoğlu (directors) Mavi
kimlik (Blue ID) / 2022
It is one thing be a famous cis-gender actor
in Nigeria such as Bisi Alimi who comes out on the air—putting him in a such a
life-threatening position that he was forced to escape the country—but it is
quite another, as this wonderful documentary reveals, to be a noted, sexually
desired female actor in Turkey who has just received her first testosterone
shot on October 4, 2012 in order
to
become the male he has long felt himself to be.
Having just made that important first step in gender affirmation, Rüzgar
Erkoçlar had already attempted to escape from public life by leaving his acting
job and finding employment in a small bakery. But family, friends, and even his
doctor will not let him smoothly move into the important transition, one which
demands not only enormous physical but psychological changes as well.
Vuslat Karan’s and Burcu Melekoğlu’s documentary, revealing the intense
homophobia and transphobia of Turkey, stays focused on the incredible
good-looking young man into who the female star has already disappeared. But
the Turkish public, traditionally bound through religion and social tradition,
intrude at every possible moment, swarming and photographing Erkoçlar whenever
he attempts to leave the house, losing him his employment, and threatening his
life. Even his sister and to a certain degree his mother plays into the public
curiosity and sense of outrage.
Erkoçlar is forced, just to protect himself and give him some time to
adjust to the situation to become an indoor recluse, going out only in disguise
and walking short distances in known neighborhoods.
Simply trying to adjust to his new life, attempting to assimilate to the
new feelings that the testosterone shots create results both in doubts, fears,
and a strong sense of his new strength and emotional release; but if that
doesn’t make life complex enough, Erkoçlar must go
through the process in public as well.
The
symbolic event of his full transformation arrives when he attempts to confirm
his new identity by changing his pink identity card for a blue one—the sexist
Turkish society defining people’s gender even by the color of their official
identification. The court, perversely refuses since he has not gone through the
entire operation, meaning he has not had an operation to transform his vagina
into a penis-like configuration. The society that disdains transgenderism
legally requires the individual to make a decision to completely alter his or
her gender in what might be described as a nearly absurd catch-22. Their
illogical argument seems to suggest that “Now that you have shamed yourself
half way, you must allow yourself to proceed in the full gender change before
we will recognize you for who you’ve become.” Presumably males undergoing a
gender change must equally have their penises removed before being allowed to
call themselves women. Or maybe not: being benighted males by birth, do they
have more power to describe themselves as they wish? This documentary doesn’t
pursue that issue, which I wish it had. But it’s clear that this society has no
conception of gender fluidity except perhaps for Zenne dancers.*
Erkoçlar finally chooses to undergo the operation. But even then his new
life is constantly put in jeopardy by public attention and threats. What is
absolutely amazing about all of this is just how the truly handsome male, former
actor, has become as he moves little by little through all of the mazes of
Turkish society with sanity, grace, and a great deal of levity.
If
you’re a cis-gender individual who still has negative feelings about
transgender individuals, you should meet Rüzgar Erkoçlar in this documentary
masterpiece. He makes it all so human that you want to cry. Finally, in the
illogic of the world in which we live, this lovely man can openly declare “Yes,
I’m blue.”
*See my discussion of Caner Alper and Mehmet
Binay’s 2011 film Zenne Dancer.
Los Angeles, November 1, 2023
Reprinted from World Cinema Review (November
2023).
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