Arthur Cahn | Totems / 2023

that’s what friends are for

by Douglas Messerli

 

Arthur Cahn (screenwriter and director) Totems / 2023 [25 minutes]

 

At an after-mass ceremony, the mother Marianne (Anne Alvaro) has arranged for a small gathering with catered food for family members and some of her recently dead son Bastien’s friends, Paul (Arthur Cahn), Delphine (Victoire Du Bois), Cyril (Solal Forte), and Eve (Lucie Gallo).

     When they ask her if there is someone to help her clean up, she explains that no, she prefers to work alone since it keeps her mind of the sadness of the event, and that she even plans later that afternoon to visit Bastien’s apartment and clean it out of his possessions.

      But that alerts one of his friends of the fact that Bastien had quite an extensive collection of dildos, and as they share the fact with one another, all four determine, with the spare key that Paul has, to visit the apartment and remove the dildo’s before the mother arrives. Although she knows her son was gay, she might indeed still be startled and even shocked to discover his vast dildo collection.

     They too are in mourning, but they realize their duties as friends and leave the gathering somewhat early.

      As they enter the apartment, almost immediately in pictures and memories sadness sets in, as it is revealed that although it was thought that Paul was a sexual partner with Bastien, and certainly he wished for it, but, as Cyril points out, it never occurred. He suspects, however, that they should check out the bedroom first, but they also all wish to snoop around for a bit. Delphine has discovered a beautiful picture of her from the past.

     But Delphine asks a far more important question, as they don rhinestone crowns that their friend obviously kept, “What if we find something that we don’t want to find, that he wanted to keep secret?”

 

      Cyril asks, “Like what?”

      And Delphine reminds them “Aren’t there things you’d prefer not to know?”

     They witness pictures of Bastien with each of them taken in a photo booth, as Paul reaches down under the bed, pulling out the totem box of dildos. They also find a cock ring or two, which the women can’t recognize. But they laugh solemnly as they look over the collection, Delphine suggesting one of the purple dildos is “cute” and even kissing it. “What do we do?” asks Paul, “Toss them? The Salvation Army won’t want them.”

      But Eve still cannot quite comprehend what it should be a secret from the mother? “We’re ashamed of who he was, and what he liked?”

      Delphine first suggests its for his mother, but also for Bastien. “There are things don’t share with their parents. If I were to die I’d hate my mom to find by sexts.”

      “When I die, burn my phone” says Cyril.

      Paul jokes, “You mean that you screw conservatives?”

      In short, in the midst of their sincere best intentions there are put-downs of each other, some comic mockery, etc, since they know one another so very well.

      They obviously have been a tight group wound around Bastien.

      Eve chastises him for evidently having seen “Pierre” again!

      Cyril explains that he just needed some bodily warmth, it being the day after the accident, obviously now explaining to the film audience how Bastien died. “I didn’t want to sleep alone.”

      Paul takes off his crown, obviously realizing that perceiving that Cyril did have a sexual relationship with Bastien that he did not.

      This is a subtle and complex film as secrets are revealed, loves, lies, and realities are rawly put on display.

      Eve suggests that perhaps they should each take a dildo in memory of him, but Delphine mocks the idea as creating a kind mausoleum, the idea of which she hates, particularly the idea of fetishizing him.

      But Eve argues that Delphine is simply whining. That she herself might put one on one of her necklaces and accuses her of being heartless.

      “I do have a heart, that’s why I don’t need all of this,” she retorts.

       But realizing this is no time to fight, she soon after apologizes.

     Paul gets a paper bag, Eve and Cyril both claiming their own favorite, while the others just get tossed into the bag to be chucked away, Paul refusing to select one.

    They walk away, tossing the many remaining dildos in the trash. Then, hug one another, and basically separate, each on their way to other business.

      A few minutes later, however, Paul returns to the trash bin to pull out his own selection. He returns to his own apartment and sits in out on display on his coffee table. He goes back into his bedroom and uses it, perhaps imagining the sexual relationship he might have had with Bastien. But he quickly breaks down in tears.

      He calls Eve, suggesting that perhaps Delphine was right, that we should have each left it all. “After all, Bastien liked controversy.”

      Maybe we should have left one dildo. One isn’t fifteen.

      “But I was happy to do that with all of you,” admits Eve.

      Eve invites him over, but he claims that he has to learn to do it on his own, to survive after the man he clearly loved as disappeared from his life.

      Paul sneaks back into Bastien’s apartment to return his dildo to its proper place, but finds the mother asleep in her own son’s bed. He quietly creeps in and puts the one remaining dildo under the bed.

      She awakens to ask Paul if Bastien was his boyfriend, and he answers, no, he as just a friend. She is curious, having met just one boyfriend Jérémie, and that was ages ago. She wonders if maybe he was too selfish to be with someone—or too busy.

      He suggests that he is on his way, but she begs to stay and talk, asking if he has a boyfriend.

      “No, I don’t,” he admits as he sits down on nearby chair.

      She continues, noting that they were such good friends, close, and asks him what he is hiding from her.

      He assures her, “Nothing.” She begs him to take whatever he wants. It’s absurd, she admits, sleeping in his bed. The loss for both of them without a full possibility of communicating their full sorrow across generations is palpable.

      Now she suddenly admits that she knows what he was replacing under the bed, since she noticed they were missing. “I’d already stopped by, you know? I saw the trunk had been moved, was that you guys?” She admits even as a child she noticed wads of tissues under his bed, a “pretty racy” page on his computer. “Bastien knew how to enjoy life. I always admired him about that.”

      “I just hope he made love—with men in the flesh,” she finally explains.

      “It was beautiful what you said at the ceremony. ….He loved you a lot you know?” Paul, almost now in tears, turns and leaves, while Marianne falls back into her beloved son’s bed.

       We might only wish that Paul could have assured her of something, that he had loved other men, that he more in his life than the dildos. But even we don’t know that. He certainly had dear friends who needn’t have worried about his mother’s response to what she found, but perhaps might have paid more attention her heart, her fears, and desires for her own son. But that is always the generational problem: parents will never learn everything.

       This is a truly profound drama by French director Arthur Cahn, that begins as a kind of comedy, but soon after makes tears well up in one’s eyes. Cahn, who has now released nine videos is certainly a filmmaker to hold one’s attention.

 

Los Angeles, August 10, 2026

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (August 2026).